visit

My oldest daughter and her boyfriend just came out to the Bay Area from Utah.  We got to spend 3 days together.  We don't always talk about things that are deep but we just enjoy each other.  We are building a relationship that is really honest.  We have been making up for years of being separated.  While Alyssa was down we were just talking in my room and her boyfriend commented on how much we are alike in our personalities.  I commented back of course we are a lot alike she is my daughter and you don't get just your looks from your biological parents but also your personality too. It is interesting that still in 2010 there are so many myths about adoption. 

It was awesome to see Alyssa again, but the pain of her leaving has hit me hard.  Whenever we say good bye it feels like the first time I signed the papers.  I just hit this overwhelming low.  I know we are going to see each other again within a few months but it still hurts.  I miss her so much and I hate the separation.  I hate not seeing her at least once a week.  It is going to be another year where I don't have all 4 of my kids, and of course my first grandson, with me for the holidays.  I know I am only the biological mom and I shouldn't want the holidays with all 4 of my kids, but I do anyways.

It's weird when Alyssa is at my house I sleep so much better.  I have all 4 of my kids home and I know they are safe. I guess I just have such a sense of peace.  Alyssa helps Cassie with her make up in the morning, it is so cute.  Of course my boys try to be quiet at 6am and not wake Alyssa up, but they do anyways. I miss not getting ready in the morning together.  Alyssa and I trading clothes,  talking, and all of the shopping too.  We both have our morning Diet Cokes which I find amusing since most of the world has a morning coffee.

The one major downer was we found out exactly why Alyssa's biological father is in jail.  That really sucked, I won't put it on my blog, only my daughter has that right to tell people when she is ready.  I really wished I would have made better decisions about who I slept with when I was 15 and 16 years old.

We are talking about the next time she visits we are going to work on getting her non-identifying information, identifying information from the agency, and try to start the process to get her OBC opened.  We both feel that those things are her right to have and it's time that they are released to her.  I don't understand why it takes so long to get the non-id.  When I received her non id from the agency it took about 6 months from the request til I had it in my hands.  How hard is it to fax or even mail 10 pieces of paper? It's crazy, I can get my tax refund back in 3 weeks from the IRS but from LDSFS they take 6 months to get non-id information.   I would think IRS is a lot busier and have alot more red tape than LDSFS.