My crazy week part 2

I do not think most adoptive couples are heartless but I don't think anyone other than serial killers are really heartless.  I know we all do things for a reason.  I know adoptive couples only want a child, and mostly they would prefer their own.  I truly get that they desperately want a child, I also think that agencies prey on mothers as much as they do prospective adoptive couples.  If either of us were told the whole truth of adoption and how it feels for the 2 groups that lose the most we would unite and all be for family preservation first. 

Adoption is about money for the agencies but in some cases it is desperately needed.  Is it needed in all cases, absolutely not.  I do wish every PAP would be given the books Primal Wound, The Girls Who Went Away, and Baby Thief,  to just name a few of my favorite adoption books, before they were even allowed to adopt.  I wish couples would understand how adoption was started in this country and why we have 60 plus year old laws and falsified birth certificates.  I think there would be more empathy to all sides.  If PAPS were given Primal Wound they would realize that adoption can hurt children.  The simple act of separating children from their mothers causes hurt, pain , and loss.  Children should not be grateful for the separation, and telling a child you were loved enough for your mom to place you only lets them know that if they are truly loved they will be abandoned.

To continue on with my story.  Work was more than insane on Thursday and Friday.  I do all of the accounts payable and receivable for a small company plus I answer all emails and deal with a lot of the customers.  My job is basically to make everyone happy and make sure everything is complete.  Thursday and Friday I ran into many problems with my job. But I did leave with everyone happy including both of my bosses.  I hate ending my day with any type of problems, so this was really good.

I left work got kids from school, dropped Kenny at the middle school to volunteer with the orchestra, Cassie went to a dance, and I went home to grab my suitcase and finish packing.  We left my house by 5:45 and headed to the airport.  My husband dropped me off by 6:45 and I was through security and at my gate by 7:15.  I think that was my fastest time ever.  I went out to Utah by myself, but my husband and a dear friend kept my spirits up by texting me while I waited at the gate. 

My plane took off right on time at 8:30.  I sat by a woman just a few years younger than me and we talked for a while.  She was asking about my husband and kids, just chit chatting.  We got into religion and I mentioned that I'm Mormon and my husband was Catholic.  She was blown away that we could be of two separate religions but have a marriage work for 17 years.  I told her we always go to church as a family and we respect each others religions.  Both of our religions are family oriented and we worship the same God. 

She asked what I was doing going out to Utah I told her I was visiting my daughter and grandson.  As we talked more she asked when my daughter moved out to Utah.  I told her a few years ago.  She asked if Alyssa's dad had custody when she was younger.  I said no and then let the whole story spill.  It wasn't anger but sadness and loss.  I was not bashing just told the facts that my daughter who I placed just placed her son and we were going to celebrate the sealing to his adoptive parents.  This woman who never had a child, just looked at me and said "wow that must be so hard, no wonder you are so thin, the stress just eats away the pounds."  So true and this woman had a tear in her eye.  It is weird in society to find empathy from people that have not experienced the loss of adoption.  It was really nice too.  I admit I cried a little.   If you knew me in person I do not cry often unless it has to do with my children.  I'm the person that everyone reaches out to so I can help them.  I do not reach out to ask for help.

I got off the plane and Alyssa and her friend met me at the baggage claim.  Alyssa hid behind a trash can so I couldn't see her kind of like hide-n-go-seek, but I saw her best friend Kristen with her cute little pregnant belly.  I hugged her and then gave Alyssa a hug.  We talked nonstop all the way to her house.  I got to see their first place and stay with them.  She lives in a house that has been split into apartments and she is sharing the basement apartment with Kristen and the 2 men in their lives. 

We sat up and talked until about 2am.  We finally crashed but I woke up by 8:30am and started reading my book "Inconceivable".  I also woke up with a horrible stomach ache.  Whenever I go to a high elevation I get horrible pains in my stomach and get super bloated.  My body is used to the elevation of sea level and where my daughter lives the elevation is 4500 feet.  Stress also upset my stomach.  I was hurting so bad I could not stand up straight at all.  Yes it looks like it is going to be a great day, all the stars are lined up right.

Alyssa started texting her Amomtexted Owens Amom to see what time where we should meet and when.  11am was supposed to be the sealing and 1:30pm was a celebration of the sealing.  Owens Amom responded back that there wasn't a point of us going to the temple we would not be allowed inside anyways.  They would be hurrying after to get to the church for the celebration so we wouldn't have time to even take pictures.  It felt as if they were saying you aren't family so don't come.  I called up my parents who were on the way down, who never met the adoptive couple, and said it doesn't look like we are invited. I don't want you to be uncomfortable.  My mom is very anti-social she is more of a wall flower.  After that text from Owens amom we were very hurt, not angry just hurt, and I did need a hug from my dad and to see my mom.  They had also brought my 14 year old nephew and I was supposed to watch him while they were in the temple.  My nephew is smart but he is also high functioning autistic.  He probably would just play video games while they were in their sessions but I knew my mom wouldn't be totally comfortable with that if he was left alone with no adult supervision near by.  I honestly thought I was doing the right thing by calling my mom and dad knowing how much they hate being social and the problem with my nephew.  It definitely didn't seem like Owen's amom wanted us around for their family sealing.