Own Child

3. Adoptive families do not refer to their own children as an adopted child, a natural child, or my own child (meaning biological or by birth). All children in families are the parent’s own children.

Overall I agree with this statement.  I know everyone is shocked, right.  I think adoption should be talked about in adoptive families very openly.  Children should understand their story and it should be talked about with them from the beginning.  Children should have adults that they can go to that they trust that they can talk to.  These adults should be someone other than their parents.  Adoptees feelings should always be acknowledged.  I just don't like the word "own" in general when referring to children.  I own my car, my house, my clothes, I just do not own my children. 

Adoption should never be portrayed as you are less than because we adopted you or you are special and chosen because we adopted you.  When you are out in public or with others it should never be pointed out this is my kid and that one we adopted.  It should simply be these are my children.

People that have only known me for the last 2 or 3 years know I have 4 kids.  I do not go into detail.  I do not say but I gave up my oldest daughter.  I have 4 kids, period, the end, no explanation necessary.  People that have known me for 15 years (especially people I am not close with) only knew that I had 3 kids and now they know about Allysa and our story. 

A few weeks ago I was in mixed company.  I was at my husband's work picnic.  He works for his families business.  I was there sitting and talking with my husband's aunts and a few of my husbands coworkers and their spouses.  Of course my husband's aunts know about both Allysa and Owen.  I was not ready to go in the long explanation of our story with relative strangers/my husband's coworkers.  This one person asked, "How many kids do you have?"  At first I was slightly uncomfortable because of the aunts being there and knowing I had 4 kids but only raised 3 of them.  Would they be upset with me for not being completely honest?  For not acknowledging Allysa's other parents?  Allysa wasn't around so I didn't have to acknowledge her, she would never find out what I had told these people.  But in my soul I can't NOT acknowledge all 4 of my children.  I just said I have 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls, and then their ages. 

I think it should always be up to the child/adoptee to be the one to initialize the conversation with people about their adoption. We as parents do not need to put there adoption status out there for the world to know.  We need to protect our children from the ugliness of the world.  The judgement of people about adopted children.