So I decided to post daily for the month of November. I figure with it being Adoption Month it would be the only time of the year we natural moms will really have a voice. We need to come together and speak out against coerced and forced adoptions. We need to protect families, and yes even a mother and child are a family.
First I have to say that Owen turned 3 months on Thursday. I know my daughter wasn't able to see Owen on his 3 month birthday but she will be seeing him this week. I still have a hard time knowing what to say to Alyssa now that she is a natural mom too. I wanted to call her up Thursday so bad to talk to her. I wanted her to know that she isn't the only one who remembered and cared. I wanted her to know that his natural grandma remembered him too. I also knew that if I mentioned him turning 3 months that it could bring her emotions to the surface and she might start crying. Since we are 800 miles apart I couldn't just hold her and let her cry. I didn't want to set her off with no one to lean on either. So what did I do? Nothing, I didn't mention it at all. I wish I could do more to help her. But what I really wish is that she didn't know this pain and heartache.
Losing a child is not something you ever get over, no other child will ever replace the one you lost to the machine of adoption. Every pregnancy you will think back to your first. Every newborn you hold will make you think of your first child. It will be hard to open your heart up fully to your husband, family, friends, and future kids. You will become super mom to your future kids to try to make up placing your first child. You will try to give your other kids everything you couldn't give to your first. You will try to prove to everyone, but especially yourself, that you would have been a great parent if just given the chance.
Jeanette - It's Melynda over at Letters to Ms. Feverfew. I decided to write a post every day of National Adoption Month as well for the exact same reasons as you!
ReplyDeleteI read your Halloween post as my little 5-month old baby girl plays on the floor beside me, gooing and cooing like all sweet little babies her age. I look down at little Penelope and oh how my heart hurts for you and your daughter as you grieve her son's 3 month birthday. :(
(((Many hugs))) to both of you.
Melynda
Melynda,
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. I am not totally anti-adoption. I just think we need to fix the problems in our system. We have to fight and speak out for our children and for all of the natural mothers that aren't ready to speak out, yet. The moms that aren't ready to say they surrendered their child/ren for adoption. Believe me I know how scary it is to tell people that I have a daughter that I placed for adoption. That I have 4 kids, not 3 kids. It is easy for people to turn away and pretend they didn't hear you. I have to speak out for the moms that have dealt in silent with the heartache, wondering when they will forget about their child. The moms that have turned to drugs and alcohal to cover up the pain of adoption. For the many mothers who have surrendeded their only child never to have another one. We have to speak out against the injustices done to natural moms.
Jeannette