Goodbye 2010

I haven't posted in a week.  Life has definitely been catching up with me.  I've had my parents from Utah come into town and my sister from Portland came to town with her two little ones.  We have kept busy with a lot of family time.  I also had to squeeze in work for several hours on a few days.  We were able to visit with old friends too on New Years Eve.  On top of those things I also had a cold and a migraine sneak up on me.  I had to pass along my cold to everyone else in the family too.

2010 was an absolute crazy year.  Constant travel from California to Utah every six weeks or so made it a bit exciting.  I hate traveling those 12 hours by car, there is only so much desert I want to see in my life time.  Amazingly enough I finally met my Alyssa in person after being apart for 17 years and 51 weeks.  She has grown so much in this past year alone.  She has gone from a fun loving teenager to a very mature adult.  She has taken the hard road to get the maturity but I have seen so much change in her. 

I got my fourth tattoo this year and Alyssa got her first professional tattoo, honey no more do it yourself tattoos.   Our tattoos match and are very simple just two hearts intertwined on our shoulder.  One is blue which is my favorite color and the other heart is green which is her favorite color.  It was her idea to get them so we will always have something to tie us together.

I never thought the loss of adoption would "touch" my life again, well more like a train wreck into my life.  I do not ever want to be tested to see how much inner strength I have.  I might fail that test if it comes up again. 

Beginning of 2010 I taught Sunday School to the 8 year olds every Sunday.  By the time August came along I had asked to be released and I have only attended church twice since August.   I'm just not ready to go back to a place that supports adoption so highly.  As of right now there is still too much hurt and I feel betrayed.

I am hoping for a much calmer 2011.  One that doesn't have the extreme highs and lows that 2010 has brought us.  I am hoping to make a small difference in adoption this year.  I hope I can help one mother and child stay together and fight the uphill battle of the adoption industry.  Or maybe open up even one persons eyes on the reality of adoption.  The toll adoption takes on the adoptee and the natural mother.  Adoption doesn't temporarily affect a mother but permanently changes her and rips apart a family.  Adoption also takes a huge toll on an adoptee even adoptees that go to great loving families.