Tahoe time

I hadn't seen Alyssa since October and we were both having a hard time with that.  She finally had off 3 days in a row so we decided to meet up in Tahoe.  Tuesday night we headed up from the Bay Area to Tahoe.  We had about a 4 hour drive,  Alyssa was leaving from Utah Wednesday morning and driving the 8 hours to Tahoe.  She was bringing her new boyfriend for us to meet.  Wednesday during the day we went up to "the village"  to look around and do some window shopping.  The kids went sledding and we played card games while we waited for Alyssa to show up. 

She finally arrived around 5:30 Wednesday.  It happened to be her boyfriends birthday too.  We had homemade chili that was amazing.  My husband makes great turkey chili, Alyssa even grabbed the recipe so she could make it at home.  As a surprise for Ian, Alyssa's boyfriend, I had made a small cake for his birthday. He was shocked that we would do that.  He is such a great guy.  He is definitely the type of person I have wanted my daughter to date.  He constantly puts her needs ahead of his owns, he opens doors for her, he listens to her, he validates her opinions, he makes her feel  special and wanted.  I know it is new in their relationship but he is the type of person I want in my daughters life.  He does have tattoos and piercings but those things don't reflect the person, at least in my eyes.  He was so happy to just hang out with us.  We didn't do anything crazy or go out and discover new places.  We hung out, talked, laugh, and played card games, went in the spa, and enjoyed being together.  Ian just easily played games with Kenny and Alex as Alyssa and I just talked.  He didn't try to make sure she was paying attention to him, there was no jealousy from Ian when she sat by her brothers.  It was relaxing and we were instantly comfortable around each other.

I will admit I was nervous about meeting this new boyfriend.  I was worried he wouldn't like us.  I was worried that he would be horrible for her.  I was worried that he couldn't fully understand and accept my daughter as a natural mom. I was worried that he wouldn't understand our relationship after all I am only her "birth mom". To a lot of people not touched ran over by adoption they think us natural moms should disappear out of our children's life.

 How many 18 or 19 year old men can understand and support a natural mom?  How many are willing to listen to the pain, hear us talk, and not turn away.  I have found 2 men at just 18 years old that have the maturity to try to understand our pain.  The first was my husband and the other one is Ian.  He is not perfect on every level but neither is Alyssa, but they seem to be good for each other.  I can tell he truly cares about my daughters feelings.  I really adore him.  Even if they do not work out as a couple I see them having a very strong friendship.  He has only seen pictures of Owen but he accepts Owen as my daughters son.  Ian doesn't see Owen as a child that will come back to haunt her but  just as my daughter's son. 

Alyssa's last boyfriend was always all over her physically when I was around.  It was as if he was claiming ownership.  Ian was very aware that we are her parents and to show us respect by giving Alyssa distance physically.  He would hold her hand but not try to make out with her in front us.  He seemed just as happy to sit by Jeremy as he was to sit by Alyssa.  I see a glimpse of  Alyssa being naturally happy when she is around Ian.  I don't see her trying to be happy but really being relaxed and happy.  I have wanted this for her for so long.  I teasingly asked Ian where was he a year ago. 

We had a blast Wednesday night and Thursday we went back to the village.  Jer worked by answering phones and doing emails.  Luckily for him the Starbucks has free internet.  Ian, Kenny, Alex, and Cassie went ice skating while Alyssa and I talked.  Us girls went window shopping too.  The day was very relaxing.  After we got back to the cabin the 3 younger kids went sledding.  It was more ice than snow though.  Ian had fell earlier ice skating and got his knee swelling pretty well.  He was okay just a bit sore. 

That night for dinner we had spaghetti and then went to the spa again.  Everyone over 18 went in the spa while the teenagers went to play video games.  After we got back home we made smores.  Oh so yummy, there is something about mountains and snow that makes me want to make smores.  Alyssa asked if she can sleep in my bed that night.  So Cassie, Alyssa, and I shared a bed.  It was so sweet to have both of my daughters with me.  They both love to cuddle while they sleep too.

Friday morning we cleaned up to get ready to leave to go to our separate homes.  Alyssa and I kept getting side tracked and talked alone while we were supposed to be packing.  Cassie, Alyssa, and I cried for a bit too.  We never seem to have enough time together.  We had to get some family pictures so we drove over to the lake and went to my husband's grandfather's cabin.  I have wanted to take her her for so long.  Every year we have family pictures taken on the rocks at Lake Tahoe but Alyssa has always been missing.  We finally got them taken.  Alyssa almost instantly recognized the spot where we took the pictures.  When she was stalking me on facebook, before we met, I had set my profile picture as one of Jer and I on the same rocks. 

It looks like I am going to be going out to Utah the beginning of March to spend a few days there and then we are going to drive out to California together.  Ian and Alyssa will be in California with us for a week.  I can't wait  to see them again. I will also be able to see Owen when I go out to Utah in March.  I can't wait to see that adorable little boy.  I can't wait to see my daughter hold her son again.