My great grandmother Nettie was born in 1899. According to all records her parents were married when all of their kids were born. According to family history the story is very different. Kattie and William were her parents she was one of their seven children.
Katie was born in 1872 She married a much older man, William, on Feb 21, 1891. Their first child was born on Apr 4, 1891. Katie was 19 years old and her husband was born in 1827, that makes him about 64 years old. Yes he seemed to be a dirty old man knocking up a sweet 19 year old right? After all he could be her grandfather. The reality of their marriage is very different. He was a widow and he had children older than Kattie. Kattie was dating one of his sons and Kattie ended up getting pregnant by his son. The son(boys being boys) was scared and ran off.
What would have happened in the 1950's, 1960's or even today? She would have been perfect prey for adoption agencies. She had no job skills, woman did not work outside of the home, I'm sure the small town was in an uproar. Can you imagine the gossip? We are talking small town Utah in 1891. I know how I felt in 1991 in big town California. I was embarrassed, hurt, ashamed. I felt like I had embarrassed my whole family. My best friend of 4 years was no longer allowed to associate with me even at church. I can not imagine Kattie's pain.
If I found the right son that knocked up Kattie he ran away to California (family story says William's son died before he found out Kattie was pregnant). William did the only honorable thing he could think of. He wanted his grandchild to have the family name. He married Kattie, himself. He wasn't a dirty old man but a man trying to do the best thing in a very hard situation. There was no DNA testing, no proof that his son actually got Kattie pregnant, just her words.
As I write this tears come to my eyes. What an honorable man. His concern was that his grandchild had a name, that his grandchild wasn't a "bastard". His grandchild would have a home and family. His grandchild would be given the love of both of his families. He made it so Kattie did not have to be an unwed mother in 1891. He couldn't make his son marry Kattie but he did make sure Kattie was taken care of. He made sure that the gossip hounds left Kattie alone.
By the time William died they had 7 children together. They had a child together just 11 months after this first child. All of their children were pretty close in age. Kattie married 2 more times after William died in 1900, she never divorced but buried 2 of her husbands. Kattie died in 1940, Kattie married her second husband in 1902 but this husband died in 1917. Graciously her third husband she married in 1930 and he out lived her by 4 years.
I would have loved to talk to this woman and have been able to hear her story in her own words. I would want to her how she feels we progressed as a society with adoption. I would love to compare our situations that were 100 years apart.
This story gave me the chills....I would also love to speak with this woman. What a different world she lived in, but we can still identify with her so much! I also feel that in 2010 my own situation wasn't much different in that I was concerned about providing a father and family for my own daughter, to the extent where the extreme (adoption) was neccessary. Her marriage was out of neccesity it sounds like but also hopefully became a source of comfort and support as well.
ReplyDeleteInteresting stuff, Jeannette. I think you might have just provided me with a HUGE clue in my research about how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints handled single expectant parents throughout their history.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, interesting, interesting.
Jeanette - wonderful story about the strength of character both people had, that obviously run in your veins. My (a) grandfather was raised as the 'late' child of his parents but in reality he was the child of one of their children...and they all knew it but it made it okay to the outside world. Family is family and family does what it has to do to continue on...something that seemed to be lost to many after WWII or there would not have been the major shift to adoption as the solution to anything and everything - imagine what a difference it would have made to millions...
ReplyDeleteHope you and A are doing okay...
Gossip still is a terrible thing, about two weeks ago a girl gave birth to a daughter. As a story it combined a couple of interesting aspects:
ReplyDelete1) The new mother was only 12 years old, 11 when conceiving(both girls are in good health, thank God).
2) She claims to have been unaware that she was pregnant. Leading to the discussion: how could one miss that, and as a result of that anybody can find on the internet the position of her womb during the pregnancy.
3) She gave birth on a school excusion. Yep, the jokes were coming, attracting more attention
4) Ethnic/National issues (You know: mom from country A, dad from country B, living in country C, add to that composite/constituent country issues and even the possibilty that she could have been impregnated in country B or C.
5) A, B and C news sources took interest, and as that meant that English was used, the story was taken up by news sources on the other side of the world in no time.
6) The Christian-bashing angle, the school is a Chtistian elementary and the reporting by an EVANGELICAL broadcaster was really sewer style.
7) The, pretty real in this case, possibility of incest. And that's just for starters...
As a story it is great for a newspaper, lots of side issues, including a (then same age)mother whose daughter was stolen for adoption by nuns half a century ago being triggered, that poor woman did not even know she had been pregnant until she was pregnant for the second time, at 22, and only learnt a few years ago that she had given birth to a healthy daughter. Her old story got a head of front page position too. She pleads to conserve the family of the new young mother as much as possible.
As a 12-year old she is obviously too young to parent, but with assistance of an aunt (gossiped to be really trying, so families still work that way), she may very well be able to keep her baby, but to get something of a normal life, free from gossip, accusations and the press, she may have to give up her name and identity, and assume new ones. The internet has not made life much easier, for the victims of the gossip and the press.
@ A Life Being lived - The marriage as far as Kattie had talked about it to her kids and grandkids was a very happy marriage.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine if we could get back to this time period and their views of family and adoption? They were the original family preservation movement. We did lose that after about 1940. All of the sudden adoption became a cure for infertility and the "bastard child".