Name changes

When I gave birth to Alyssa I was physically and emotionally exhausted.  I had labored from February 25th starting around midnight or 1am and I finally had her February 27th around 8pm.  Yes not quite 3 days of labor.  I had pushed for over 2 hours and lets just say I tore ALOT.  They had to stitch me up for almost 30 minutes.  I did not have a cesarean.  I was extra medicated while in the hospital because of all the stitches.

I kept Alyssa with me as much as I could in the hospital.  I hated it when the nurses would take her and run tests or take her to let me sleep.  I had many family and friends visit me in the hospital.  I was so exhausted I could barely remember my name.  I honestly thought Alyssa was going to be a boy. None of the ultrasounds showed her sex. I was ready with a boys name and knew the spelling I wanted.  I had picked out a girls name just in case but never really fully decided on the spelling, because I was going to have a boy.  I thought of spelling it either Alyssa or Alissa.  When I was filling out Alyssa's birth certificate I was so exhausted and full of pain medication that I had spelled her name differently than I had planned.  I ended up spelling her name Allysa.

 I did add her dad onto her birth certificate.  I did not give her her dad's last name but my maiden name.  My thought process was I will only give my kids their father's last name if I  am married to their father (mature thinking right?).  I wanted her to be able to find her dad easily when she was ready, so I made sure she had his full name on the OBC with his birth date and that she knew he was a junior.  I had assumed she would be able to get her birth certificate as easy as I got mine.  OK obviously I was very, very, very naive. 

I had also always hoped in the years to come that her dad would be an honorable respectable person that she could easily love and admire. I wanted him to be off of drugs, I wanted him working , educated, and settled down happily with a family of his own.  Well that did not turn out as I had hoped.

Now Allysa wants to go by her original name.  Either name is fine with me because it is her choice.  Both are her names, it is not about me or her adoptive parents.  As of right now Allysa is not her legal name and it will be her choice to change it legally when she is ready.  She has asked is if I can start spelling her name the original way I had it on her birth certificate.  I am going to try to start spelling it the way it was on her OBC not the way I had thought of spelling it.  This is going to be a struggle to change my writing but I will try from now on to write Allysa.  Every letter I wrote Allysa for the first 17 years of her life I wrote "Alyssa".  If anyone catches me spelling her name the wrong way please let me know.