I'm keeping this post very lite. There are some fun things with Alyssa living with us. First of all we get to know each other very well. We see each other at our best and our worst. But the fun part is that my wardrobe has expanded. Alyssa and I wear the same size. She has a lot of really cute and fun clothes. We are even built the same and have the same "problem" area, that lower belly that you never seem to lose even years after having kids. We also have the same style. We both love vintage 1950 clothes. Cassie can borrow our shirts but she is still too small to wear our pants or skirts.
Now the worst thing about having three women in the same house. Our cycles are now on the same schedule. The poor boys that have to live with us. That sure didn't take long for nature to take over. I know growing up my sisters and I were on very similar schedules, but it didn't occur to me that when Alyssa moved in that in a few months all 3 of is would be on similar schedules.
Owen and me
My first grandson one day old.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Friday, September 9, 2011
Roller coaster reunions?
I have been asked by friends how is it to have Allysa living with us. I had heard about the roller coaster of reunions. How hard it is to maintain a relationship, etc. Honestly for Allysa and I it has been easy over all. We are very similar in temperament. We can read each other's emotions and we know instinctively when to give each other space. My husband has been amazing through out our relationship. He has accepted Allysa even before we met Allysa in person. He wanted her to live with us when we found out she was pregnant. When ever there are minor problems he comes to me and lets me deal with it. He doesn't put the responsibility on me but allows me to decide how to best deal or ignore issues. Yes sometimes I do ignore minor issues because it is not worth it to bother Allysa. I sometimes ignore issues with the other kids too, as Allysa says I am too easy on them.
One thing that people compare reunion with is a roller coaster ride. Yes you can compare it to that but parenting is also a roller coaster ride. Sometimes your children drive you crazy and the next minute you can't believe you are so blessed to have that person in your life. I have raised all of my kids differently. I base my parenting on each child's needs. I do the same with Allysa.
I think what has helped both of us is I have came to her knowing that she might have pain related to adoption. I have allowed her to express her pain. I never have tried to tell her that I did not want to hear her side of her story. One of the first conversations we had through text was Allysa telling me how much she has always wanted me in her life. How she wanted me to come get her from a very young age. Yes that conversation hurt but I needed to hear her truth and she needed to tell me. She needed to know that she could trust me with her hurt, pain, and loss.
The longer she is living with us the more I see how being raised outside of her family has hurt her on so many levels. She was raised with people that wanted to be parents, that wanted a baby. But I really don't think they ever understood her. They never understood what made her tick and make the decisions she has made. She never mirrored them in her temperament, personality, or looks.
When you first meet Alyssa she is happy, easy going, energetic, and just fun to be around. She always listens to other people and tries to help them. You have to dig a lot deeper to really know her though. Sometimes I forget that I didn't raise her and that I have to take that into account when we talk. A few days ago Alyssa did something that bothered me, I told her I didn't like that, and then I forgot about it and moved on. I do not hold grudges against my children. Hours later she text me apologizing. There was no reason for her to do that. We talked and it was over and forgotten by me. I called her up because I wanted her to understand that I loved her unconditionally and I wasn't upset at all. Later that night she was still worried about what happened in the morning. I was too harsh with her, I didn't mean to be but I was. I forgot I didn't raise her, she doesn't have to win my love back and continually apologize. I always love her and trust her. I know her heart I know she really always tries her best. I forget how easily she is hurt by words, by feeling that she doesn't measure up. She always has measured up to my standards. I have always wanted her and loved her.
One thing that people compare reunion with is a roller coaster ride. Yes you can compare it to that but parenting is also a roller coaster ride. Sometimes your children drive you crazy and the next minute you can't believe you are so blessed to have that person in your life. I have raised all of my kids differently. I base my parenting on each child's needs. I do the same with Allysa.
I think what has helped both of us is I have came to her knowing that she might have pain related to adoption. I have allowed her to express her pain. I never have tried to tell her that I did not want to hear her side of her story. One of the first conversations we had through text was Allysa telling me how much she has always wanted me in her life. How she wanted me to come get her from a very young age. Yes that conversation hurt but I needed to hear her truth and she needed to tell me. She needed to know that she could trust me with her hurt, pain, and loss.
The longer she is living with us the more I see how being raised outside of her family has hurt her on so many levels. She was raised with people that wanted to be parents, that wanted a baby. But I really don't think they ever understood her. They never understood what made her tick and make the decisions she has made. She never mirrored them in her temperament, personality, or looks.
When you first meet Alyssa she is happy, easy going, energetic, and just fun to be around. She always listens to other people and tries to help them. You have to dig a lot deeper to really know her though. Sometimes I forget that I didn't raise her and that I have to take that into account when we talk. A few days ago Alyssa did something that bothered me, I told her I didn't like that, and then I forgot about it and moved on. I do not hold grudges against my children. Hours later she text me apologizing. There was no reason for her to do that. We talked and it was over and forgotten by me. I called her up because I wanted her to understand that I loved her unconditionally and I wasn't upset at all. Later that night she was still worried about what happened in the morning. I was too harsh with her, I didn't mean to be but I was. I forgot I didn't raise her, she doesn't have to win my love back and continually apologize. I always love her and trust her. I know her heart I know she really always tries her best. I forget how easily she is hurt by words, by feeling that she doesn't measure up. She always has measured up to my standards. I have always wanted her and loved her.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
Family History is important
Last week my 3 year old nephew went to the hospital for an asthma attack and had to stay over night. He will be fine but it was pretty nerve racking for his parents. I had told Allysa about what was going on with him and keeping her updated. We were talking about our family history of asthma. I think all of my siblings had asthma as kids. We each had varying degrees from mild to severe. When I placed Allysa I made sure the agency knew about our asthma problems. I knew it would be important for Allysa to know and for her kids to know about it. Any family health history I made sure the agency knew about. I gave them very detailed accounts about diabetes, heart attacks, strokes, cancers, retinoblastoma (cancer of the eye), food allergies that we knew about, when each of these things happened and to whom they happened. The information that I didn't know my mom filled in.
As for her dad's side I did not have that information but I have assumed the agency did get a family history from him.
I found out now that Allysa didn't know about asthma in our family. I do not know if the agency never gave the information or if her aparents never told her. I wonder how many other adoptees are missing their information whil etheir mothers assume they have it.
As for her dad's side I did not have that information but I have assumed the agency did get a family history from him.
I found out now that Allysa didn't know about asthma in our family. I do not know if the agency never gave the information or if her aparents never told her. I wonder how many other adoptees are missing their information whil etheir mothers assume they have it.
Tuesday, August 30, 2011
Part of My Story
How many of us placed our children thinking that if we sacrificed by placing our child for adoption at least they would never have to go through placing their children? How many of us assumed that if we raised our children poor, without fathers around our children would end up either pregnant young or getting someone pregnant young?
When I came to my parents in July of 1991 telling them I was pregnant my mother started mentioning adoption. I was still with Allysa's dad at this time. I was working 2 part time jobs, going to summer school, and looking at going to night school so I could graduate a year early, just months after my baby was due.
By August my mom was taking me to weekly counseling sessions with LDSFS. My counselor started to seem like a friend. She asked me what I could provide, what Allysa's dad could provide. She asked if I would have wanted to be married and educated when I had my child. She asked me to start thinking about the things that I could provide compared to a married educated couple.
By mid-September I had ended it with Allysa's dad. He still wanted to be involved with me but I was done. I just walked away from him. There were many reasons why I walked away but the biggest ones were that he wasn't working and he was doing drugs. I did not want that around my baby. I did not give him a chance to get himself cleaned up, I did not give him ultimatums. I just left him. I figured by this point I was several months along if he wanted to get a job and stop doing drugs he would have. I shouldn't have to give him an ultimatum, was my thinking. He was also starting to show signs of being very possessive. He even showed up at my school waiting for me at the end of my school day after we broke up. He was 21 and I was 16 at the time.
The days that my mom would drive me to school she would talk to me about the different adoption options that were available. I remember several times starting off class barely able to hold my emotions together. I just wanted my baby but I started to think that maybe I wasn't enough for my child. I was told about the statistics for my child having a teenage pregnancy, being uneducated, and the list goes on. I was also having counseling sessions with my bishop 2 or 3 times a monthly. In every counseling session with him adoption was mentioned.
In October/November time I received a tape in the mail and a letter from Alyssa's dad. I never read or listened to it but my mom did. It basically said that no one can keep us apart and he would take me from my family. Yes I was scared, terrified, shocked. I just wanted to protect my baby. I didn't want her to deal with this craziness. She was innocent and did nothing wrong.
At this point both my mom and SW talked to me more about adoption. As if the weekly counseling with LDSFS and the drop offs at school where my mom always mentioned adoption wasn't enough. No one ever mentioned restraining order. It was as if the only way to protect my child was to place her for adoption. Now I realize that Allysa's paternal uncle and grandparents would have helped me with her but they were never given the chance or option.
By November/December time the SW had me just look at profiles. The first one she showed me was a sweet, special couple, that she said she knew I would love. She then compared what this couple could provide to my child to what I could provide, now that I was single and would not marry the father. She had me make a list of everything I would want for my child. I was reminded about the high percentage of teenage pregnancies when children are raised by single mothers with no fathers.
I gave up. I absolutely totally gave up. I loved my baby. I did want more for her. I wanted her to have everything I couldn't provide. I never wanted my child to go through the hell of having an unplanned pregnancy. I never wanted her to be single and alone. If my baby was going to be a boy I was told how important his father would be to him. I was told how no other man would make up for his father not being around. I didn't know what I was going to have so they worked both angles.
When I finally sat down and chose the couples, the first one they showed me was the one they showed me weeks before. The sweet couple that they knew I would love. I had so much going on in my head I didn't even realize that the couple was the same one they had showed me previously. I wonder now if maybe this couple was at the top of the list to be parents? I will never know that answer. My mom later mentioned to me that they were the same couple that I had seen the profile of originally.
Not only was it drilled into me that I couldn't parent without a spouse, that my child deserved more, but also that my child had a high chance of becoming a b@#%^ parent if I did not place. My parents never sat me down and said we will help you, you can stay with us, they did not threaten to kick me out but it was never acknowledged that if I did not choose adoption I could bring my baby home.
If you look at my family from the outside I would have been the last one to "choose" adoption. My mom got pregnant before she married my dad. Of the 6 of my siblings that have had kids not one of us was married before we had our first child. Some of us have blended families, some of us married the father of our children, Of us 5 girls I was the only one that placed I have since found out that 2 of my sisters were pressured to place by my mother, but neither of them were brought into LDSFS for counseling, I was the only one. I have cousins that choose to live happily unmarried with their children's father. Having a child out of wedlock is not a horrible evil thing, if it was why would single women ever be allowed to adopt?
What I find so interesting is my now 90 year old grandmother was the one person that was against the adoption. Up until a year ago my grandma still mentioned Allysa with tears in her eyes she said, "I wish you could have kept her in the family, If she was to be adopted it would have been best if someone in the family could raise her". Grandma, you are a wise woman. I wish when I was pregnant you didn't live 800 miles away. I think you understand so much more than I ever did about adoption.
When I came to my parents in July of 1991 telling them I was pregnant my mother started mentioning adoption. I was still with Allysa's dad at this time. I was working 2 part time jobs, going to summer school, and looking at going to night school so I could graduate a year early, just months after my baby was due.
By August my mom was taking me to weekly counseling sessions with LDSFS. My counselor started to seem like a friend. She asked me what I could provide, what Allysa's dad could provide. She asked if I would have wanted to be married and educated when I had my child. She asked me to start thinking about the things that I could provide compared to a married educated couple.
By mid-September I had ended it with Allysa's dad. He still wanted to be involved with me but I was done. I just walked away from him. There were many reasons why I walked away but the biggest ones were that he wasn't working and he was doing drugs. I did not want that around my baby. I did not give him a chance to get himself cleaned up, I did not give him ultimatums. I just left him. I figured by this point I was several months along if he wanted to get a job and stop doing drugs he would have. I shouldn't have to give him an ultimatum, was my thinking. He was also starting to show signs of being very possessive. He even showed up at my school waiting for me at the end of my school day after we broke up. He was 21 and I was 16 at the time.
The days that my mom would drive me to school she would talk to me about the different adoption options that were available. I remember several times starting off class barely able to hold my emotions together. I just wanted my baby but I started to think that maybe I wasn't enough for my child. I was told about the statistics for my child having a teenage pregnancy, being uneducated, and the list goes on. I was also having counseling sessions with my bishop 2 or 3 times a monthly. In every counseling session with him adoption was mentioned.
In October/November time I received a tape in the mail and a letter from Alyssa's dad. I never read or listened to it but my mom did. It basically said that no one can keep us apart and he would take me from my family. Yes I was scared, terrified, shocked. I just wanted to protect my baby. I didn't want her to deal with this craziness. She was innocent and did nothing wrong.
At this point both my mom and SW talked to me more about adoption. As if the weekly counseling with LDSFS and the drop offs at school where my mom always mentioned adoption wasn't enough. No one ever mentioned restraining order. It was as if the only way to protect my child was to place her for adoption. Now I realize that Allysa's paternal uncle and grandparents would have helped me with her but they were never given the chance or option.
By November/December time the SW had me just look at profiles. The first one she showed me was a sweet, special couple, that she said she knew I would love. She then compared what this couple could provide to my child to what I could provide, now that I was single and would not marry the father. She had me make a list of everything I would want for my child. I was reminded about the high percentage of teenage pregnancies when children are raised by single mothers with no fathers.
I gave up. I absolutely totally gave up. I loved my baby. I did want more for her. I wanted her to have everything I couldn't provide. I never wanted my child to go through the hell of having an unplanned pregnancy. I never wanted her to be single and alone. If my baby was going to be a boy I was told how important his father would be to him. I was told how no other man would make up for his father not being around. I didn't know what I was going to have so they worked both angles.
When I finally sat down and chose the couples, the first one they showed me was the one they showed me weeks before. The sweet couple that they knew I would love. I had so much going on in my head I didn't even realize that the couple was the same one they had showed me previously. I wonder now if maybe this couple was at the top of the list to be parents? I will never know that answer. My mom later mentioned to me that they were the same couple that I had seen the profile of originally.
Not only was it drilled into me that I couldn't parent without a spouse, that my child deserved more, but also that my child had a high chance of becoming a b@#%^ parent if I did not place. My parents never sat me down and said we will help you, you can stay with us, they did not threaten to kick me out but it was never acknowledged that if I did not choose adoption I could bring my baby home.
If you look at my family from the outside I would have been the last one to "choose" adoption. My mom got pregnant before she married my dad. Of the 6 of my siblings that have had kids not one of us was married before we had our first child. Some of us have blended families, some of us married the father of our children, Of us 5 girls I was the only one that placed I have since found out that 2 of my sisters were pressured to place by my mother, but neither of them were brought into LDSFS for counseling, I was the only one. I have cousins that choose to live happily unmarried with their children's father. Having a child out of wedlock is not a horrible evil thing, if it was why would single women ever be allowed to adopt?
What I find so interesting is my now 90 year old grandmother was the one person that was against the adoption. Up until a year ago my grandma still mentioned Allysa with tears in her eyes she said, "I wish you could have kept her in the family, If she was to be adopted it would have been best if someone in the family could raise her". Grandma, you are a wise woman. I wish when I was pregnant you didn't live 800 miles away. I think you understand so much more than I ever did about adoption.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Kenny is 15 today
Today Kenny turns 15, I can't believe how fast the time has past. He has gone from a baby, to a very independent toddler, and now a teenager that is taller than me. He is still very independent, headstrong, stubborn, but he is also has the kindest heart. He worries about his younger cousins and tries to watch out for them. He fiercely defends any one that he feels was treated unfairly. That will serve him well in life, but it is a hard trait to have as a teenager.
When Kenny went to his first day of Kindergarten he decided he no longer needed me. I tried to walk him to his class and hold his hand. He was the youngest and smallest in his class. He had just turned 5 as Kindergarten started. As I tried to walk Kenny up from the car to his classroom he looked up at me with his round blue eyes and said "mommy, don't hold my hand, you can go back to the car, I will find my way to my class."
Kenny has always been strong both physically and emotionally. He has always tried to be manly and protective. I feel my job with him is to teach him to take the best parts of himself and improve them. I need to teach him how to walk away from fights. I need to teach him that sometimes others do not need protecting, that he has to protect himself, his heart. There are so many things that I can not protect him from. I'm afraid of the hard lessons in life he will learn. I want him to know that no matter what happens I will always love him. I know he will grow up and be amazing. He can do anything he sets his mind to.
I love you Kenny, happy birthday my little one.
When Kenny went to his first day of Kindergarten he decided he no longer needed me. I tried to walk him to his class and hold his hand. He was the youngest and smallest in his class. He had just turned 5 as Kindergarten started. As I tried to walk Kenny up from the car to his classroom he looked up at me with his round blue eyes and said "mommy, don't hold my hand, you can go back to the car, I will find my way to my class."
Kenny has always been strong both physically and emotionally. He has always tried to be manly and protective. I feel my job with him is to teach him to take the best parts of himself and improve them. I need to teach him how to walk away from fights. I need to teach him that sometimes others do not need protecting, that he has to protect himself, his heart. There are so many things that I can not protect him from. I'm afraid of the hard lessons in life he will learn. I want him to know that no matter what happens I will always love him. I know he will grow up and be amazing. He can do anything he sets his mind to.
I love you Kenny, happy birthday my little one.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Notes on Facebook by Hanne
Notes on facebook by Hanne anderson
To all people considering obtaining an infant via "adoption":
1. Have you really thought about the permanent soul destruction you are doing to a mother and infant by separating them? Or is your desire for an infant so strong that you cannot even consider that perhaps you are engaging in something that is sinister and more than likely illegal? Do you even care?
2. Do you not see that cutting the cord in the hospital and "catching the baby" is exploitive and barbaric?
3. Do you not see that soliciting for a pregnant girl or young woman is exploitive and unethical?
4. Do you not see that paying any amount of money for an infant is sickening? Do you realize when your child finds out how much you paid for them they may feel like they were a slave to be bought and sold?
5. Do you tell yourself and others and say "well she willingly gave away her baby?" You need to know that most mothers whose infants have been adopted did not "willingly give away" their babies. Saying and believing that mothers "willingly give away" their babies is a myth. Most mothers that are not interfered with by prospective adopters and their agents, and who are honoured and supported during their pregnancy and motherhood will do what nature and God intended and parent their babies.
6. Do you lie to yourself and tell yourself that there are so many "orphans" out their that need to be rescued? Do you realize that the majority of children in orphanages have been kidnapped from their families and trafficked? Do you realize that by participating in the trafficking of children for adoption that you are also assisting the same illegal organizations that traffic children for organ harvesting (yes they murder the children for their organs), child sex slavery, and pedophelia? Do you care?
7. Are you lying to yourself and saying that because it is an "open adoption" that it is ok? Are you considering closing the adoption once the paperwork is finalized so you can have the baby all to yourself?
8. Do you justify taking a mother's baby because believe the myth that they are crack addicted whores? or a pregnant teen, or a welfare queen that shouldn't be allowed to parent because they are not as priveldged as you are?
9. Are you an adopted person who has also adopted an infant? Did you know that many adopted people that adopt an infant are trying to normalize the trauma of being separated from their mother?
10. Did you know as an adopted young women and if you get pregnant you have a 900% higher risk that you will loose your infant to adoption? Did you know that this is because your adopters will be threatened by your fertility and they are also concerned that you will leave them and go find your mother and father?
11. Do you keep telling yourself "well she could have had an abortion?" to justify taking her child for yourself and interfering with her pregnancy and exploit her for her baby? Do you realize when you say "she could always have had an abortion" you are saying that women should be legally subjected to forced pregnancy in order to supply you with a baby? How is this NOT reproductive slavery? Do you realize that many mothers when choosing to continue with their pregnancy most do so because they want to parent?
12. Do you just keep lying to yourself and everyone else saying it is "God's Plan?" Newsflash: God didn't plan this you did. So take responsibility for using pregnant vulnerable young women and girls as your reproductive slaves. God would NEVER plan to have the infertiles exploit vulnerable pregnant young women in such a barbaric and inhumane act as reproductive slavery and infant "adoption."
To all people considering obtaining an infant via "adoption":
1. Have you really thought about the permanent soul destruction you are doing to a mother and infant by separating them? Or is your desire for an infant so strong that you cannot even consider that perhaps you are engaging in something that is sinister and more than likely illegal? Do you even care?
2. Do you not see that cutting the cord in the hospital and "catching the baby" is exploitive and barbaric?
3. Do you not see that soliciting for a pregnant girl or young woman is exploitive and unethical?
4. Do you not see that paying any amount of money for an infant is sickening? Do you realize when your child finds out how much you paid for them they may feel like they were a slave to be bought and sold?
5. Do you tell yourself and others and say "well she willingly gave away her baby?" You need to know that most mothers whose infants have been adopted did not "willingly give away" their babies. Saying and believing that mothers "willingly give away" their babies is a myth. Most mothers that are not interfered with by prospective adopters and their agents, and who are honoured and supported during their pregnancy and motherhood will do what nature and God intended and parent their babies.
6. Do you lie to yourself and tell yourself that there are so many "orphans" out their that need to be rescued? Do you realize that the majority of children in orphanages have been kidnapped from their families and trafficked? Do you realize that by participating in the trafficking of children for adoption that you are also assisting the same illegal organizations that traffic children for organ harvesting (yes they murder the children for their organs), child sex slavery, and pedophelia? Do you care?
7. Are you lying to yourself and saying that because it is an "open adoption" that it is ok? Are you considering closing the adoption once the paperwork is finalized so you can have the baby all to yourself?
8. Do you justify taking a mother's baby because believe the myth that they are crack addicted whores? or a pregnant teen, or a welfare queen that shouldn't be allowed to parent because they are not as priveldged as you are?
9. Are you an adopted person who has also adopted an infant? Did you know that many adopted people that adopt an infant are trying to normalize the trauma of being separated from their mother?
10. Did you know as an adopted young women and if you get pregnant you have a 900% higher risk that you will loose your infant to adoption? Did you know that this is because your adopters will be threatened by your fertility and they are also concerned that you will leave them and go find your mother and father?
11. Do you keep telling yourself "well she could have had an abortion?" to justify taking her child for yourself and interfering with her pregnancy and exploit her for her baby? Do you realize when you say "she could always have had an abortion" you are saying that women should be legally subjected to forced pregnancy in order to supply you with a baby? How is this NOT reproductive slavery? Do you realize that many mothers when choosing to continue with their pregnancy most do so because they want to parent?
12. Do you just keep lying to yourself and everyone else saying it is "God's Plan?" Newsflash: God didn't plan this you did. So take responsibility for using pregnant vulnerable young women and girls as your reproductive slaves. God would NEVER plan to have the infertiles exploit vulnerable pregnant young women in such a barbaric and inhumane act as reproductive slavery and infant "adoption."
How many other mothers have had this conversation in their heart/head?
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Name changes
When I gave birth to Alyssa I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I had labored from February 25th starting around midnight or 1am and I finally had her February 27th around 8pm. Yes not quite 3 days of labor. I had pushed for over 2 hours and lets just say I tore ALOT. They had to stitch me up for almost 30 minutes. I did not have a cesarean. I was extra medicated while in the hospital because of all the stitches.
I kept Alyssa with me as much as I could in the hospital. I hated it when the nurses would take her and run tests or take her to let me sleep. I had many family and friends visit me in the hospital. I was so exhausted I could barely remember my name. I honestly thought Alyssa was going to be a boy. None of the ultrasounds showed her sex. I was ready with a boys name and knew the spelling I wanted. I had picked out a girls name just in case but never really fully decided on the spelling, because I was going to have a boy. I thought of spelling it either Alyssa or Alissa. When I was filling out Alyssa's birth certificate I was so exhausted and full of pain medication that I had spelled her name differently than I had planned. I ended up spelling her name Allysa.
I did add her dad onto her birth certificate. I did not give her her dad's last name but my maiden name. My thought process was I will only give my kids their father's last name if I am married to their father (mature thinking right?). I wanted her to be able to find her dad easily when she was ready, so I made sure she had his full name on the OBC with his birth date and that she knew he was a junior. I had assumed she would be able to get her birth certificate as easy as I got mine. OK obviously I was very, very, very naive.
I had also always hoped in the years to come that her dad would be an honorable respectable person that she could easily love and admire. I wanted him to be off of drugs, I wanted him working , educated, and settled down happily with a family of his own. Well that did not turn out as I had hoped.
Now Allysa wants to go by her original name. Either name is fine with me because it is her choice. Both are her names, it is not about me or her adoptive parents. As of right now Allysa is not her legal name and it will be her choice to change it legally when she is ready. She has asked is if I can start spelling her name the original way I had it on her birth certificate. I am going to try to start spelling it the way it was on her OBC not the way I had thought of spelling it. This is going to be a struggle to change my writing but I will try from now on to write Allysa. Every letter I wrote Allysa for the first 17 years of her life I wrote "Alyssa". If anyone catches me spelling her name the wrong way please let me know.
I kept Alyssa with me as much as I could in the hospital. I hated it when the nurses would take her and run tests or take her to let me sleep. I had many family and friends visit me in the hospital. I was so exhausted I could barely remember my name. I honestly thought Alyssa was going to be a boy. None of the ultrasounds showed her sex. I was ready with a boys name and knew the spelling I wanted. I had picked out a girls name just in case but never really fully decided on the spelling, because I was going to have a boy. I thought of spelling it either Alyssa or Alissa. When I was filling out Alyssa's birth certificate I was so exhausted and full of pain medication that I had spelled her name differently than I had planned. I ended up spelling her name Allysa.
I did add her dad onto her birth certificate. I did not give her her dad's last name but my maiden name. My thought process was I will only give my kids their father's last name if I am married to their father (mature thinking right?). I wanted her to be able to find her dad easily when she was ready, so I made sure she had his full name on the OBC with his birth date and that she knew he was a junior. I had assumed she would be able to get her birth certificate as easy as I got mine. OK obviously I was very, very, very naive.
I had also always hoped in the years to come that her dad would be an honorable respectable person that she could easily love and admire. I wanted him to be off of drugs, I wanted him working , educated, and settled down happily with a family of his own. Well that did not turn out as I had hoped.
Now Allysa wants to go by her original name. Either name is fine with me because it is her choice. Both are her names, it is not about me or her adoptive parents. As of right now Allysa is not her legal name and it will be her choice to change it legally when she is ready. She has asked is if I can start spelling her name the original way I had it on her birth certificate. I am going to try to start spelling it the way it was on her OBC not the way I had thought of spelling it. This is going to be a struggle to change my writing but I will try from now on to write Allysa. Every letter I wrote Allysa for the first 17 years of her life I wrote "Alyssa". If anyone catches me spelling her name the wrong way please let me know.
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