I do love Christmas, the family get togethers, fires, hot chocolate, church, the nativity. I love all of it. Growing up we had Christmas with just my immediate family. When I was younger we always had 2 gifts for each of us kids under the Christmas tree. One was from Santa and the other was from the family. But my parents had 7 kids so it always looked like a lot of stuff under there. We usually also had one gift from my Grandma Von. She would give us underwear, books, or something for our trousseau like silver wear and dish towels. Those gifts seemed useless when I was 12 years old. My grandma was always practical. She was born during the depression so she always was thinking ahead. I really do love her and when I got married those "useless" gifts seemed very practical.
My Christmas traditions are a little different with my kids than what I grew up with. We live close to alot of extended family so we get together with them as much as possible. We start around Thanksgiving and spend one day making Tamales with Jer's mom's family. We make about 10 to 12 dozen in one day. My kids might not enjoy this right now but I hope one day they will look back and have good memories. I hope once their great grandmother dies when they think of the smell of masa they think of her. I hope it will bring out memories of her and their other grandmother teaching them the proper tamale making methods. I hope they will carry on this tradition with their kids.
We have tried to keep Christmas family centered and not about the gifts only. On Christmas Eve we try to go to a Catholic Mass around 5. After Mass we head over to Jeremy's Aunt's house. We have a traditional tamale dinner. We always make red tamales with pork and have green tamales with chicken. We have home made refried beans and Mexican style rice. As an appetizer there has to be homemade salsa and chips. Just to be a little bit healthy we also have a big salad. There are usually about 20 of us on Christmas Eve. We exchange presents and sing carols. Around 10 or 11 at night we head over to Jer's parents house. About 10 years ago we started spending the night at Christmas Eve at their house instead of our own. The kids really enjoy it and no longer want to spend Christmas at our house.
About midnight my husband and I go back to our house and get all of our presents. Santa drops off his presents to the in-laws house - while we are gone..wink wink. Christmas morning we get up and make hot chocolate and coffee. We sit in the living room with my in-laws, kids, and my brother-in-law. We take turns opening up one present at a time. Since we do open up only one present at a time and we talk a lot this can take a few hours. The very last thing is our stockings. They are not allowed to be touched or even looked at what is inside until we have all of the presents opened. After presents and stockings are cleaned up we eat fresh made Monte Cristo. This is a once a year treat, mmm-mmm I love the Swiss and turkey melted together with strawberry preserves on top. We sit around a while and just enjoy each others company. The kids have really got to know their grandparents as people not just as grandma and grandpa. I love to encourage the bond that has been built. My in-laws are really like second parents to my kids they are alot closer than most grandparents are to their grandkids.
We sometimes play with the new toys all together especially if it is a board game. About 1:00 or so we head over to my sister's house for the Anderson gathering. This is not a quiet calm get-together like our other celebration. We are loud and really silly. There are close to 30 or more of us with my brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and sometimes a few extended family members. We don't exchange gifts with my family, there are just too many of us. We get together to play games, eat, and enjoy each other. We finally head home about 9 that evening. We are totally exhausted by that time.
Usually we try to also get together with my family to go to San Francisco and go to the Oakland Temple sometime around Christmas, but never Christmas Day. We are always up for any adventure my dad wants to take us on. My dad loves to show the grandkid the world. He is always up for hikes, days at the beach, or just looking around town.
We also have a Christmas Day with my husband's dads family either the weekend before Christmas or after Christmas. They are so much fun and very competitive. My father in law is one of 8 kids and Christmas seems to be the only time we all can be together. We make a full day of it. Sometimes we bowl, shoot pool, play card games, or board games. All that matters is everyone is involved that wants to be. And then we eat. Oh boy can that family cook, everything is always home made and delicious. We don't usually have a full gift exchange but a white elephant gift exchange. This year the items have to be garden themed. We spend months finding the right- most obnoxious - gift possible. And to make it harder there is also a spending limit of about $20.
I do try to keep myself and my kids as busy as possible over Christmas. Cassie came to me the other night and said mommy why can't we have Christmas with our sister and nephew. When can we be a real family like everyone else? How can I answer that? I have tried my best to keep Christmas happy and make sure they have great memories. I just held Cassie and let her talk. I figured she needed to talk without any interferance but still know she is loved. Sometimes we all just need to be held while we cry.
My kids - if you ever read my blog please know I love each of you and you mean so much to me. Merry Christmas
Owen and me
My first grandson one day old.
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Christmas and loss
I feel the loss of adoption especially during Christmas but I never allow my kids to see how it affects me. I don't think my grief should be put on them. No matter how much I love the kids I raised and the life I have I still know someone (now two) are missing from our family get togethers. That hurts and bring sadness to my heart, it hurts more than I usually allow myself to acknowledge. Christmas is family centered with traditions and to know part of your family is missing that is hard. For the persons to be missing is your first born daughter and grandchild words don't express the grief. This mothers heart mourns for those two, for the lost years of my daughters, and for all the losses she will have with Owen. I know it was my decision to place my daughter. I know this is my fault. But it does not make it easier. The sadness and grief is still there. I know I did the unthinkable by placing/abandoning my daughter for adoption.
I know it was supposed to get easier and after 18 years I am still waiting. I'm waiting for the loss to go away and to be thankful for the gifts of adoption to be in my life. It hasn't happened yet and I'm not sure when it will. I don't see adoption a s a gift but just another burden. I'm waiting for the healers salve to help me.
I know this will be the hardest Christmas for Alyssa. The first Christmas of being a mom but not really being a mom in any one elses eye. Christmas nativity with Mary a young mom with a newborn babe. Wondering about your own newborn babe? I know all Alyssa will want is to be with her son but knowing she can't be there the whole day to nurse him, play with him, and put him to bed will hurt her beyond belief. She will constantly think of him but try not to cry. She will, as most natural mothers do, pretend it doesn't hurt. Wipe away the tears before they fall. After the first Christmas you learn to cover up your feelings better to ignore what is happening around you. Oh but that first Christmas hits so hard and so unexpectedly. It seems as if everyone else has gone on with their life but you. You wonder how your family can carry on act like nothing has happened. I do remember that Christmas 18 years ago.
I know I have now learned to keep myself so busy and involved with a hundred things so my mind doesn't feel the pain in my heart. It makes it easier to get through one more day if you don't have to think of what is really happening.
I know it was supposed to get easier and after 18 years I am still waiting. I'm waiting for the loss to go away and to be thankful for the gifts of adoption to be in my life. It hasn't happened yet and I'm not sure when it will. I don't see adoption a s a gift but just another burden. I'm waiting for the healers salve to help me.
I know this will be the hardest Christmas for Alyssa. The first Christmas of being a mom but not really being a mom in any one elses eye. Christmas nativity with Mary a young mom with a newborn babe. Wondering about your own newborn babe? I know all Alyssa will want is to be with her son but knowing she can't be there the whole day to nurse him, play with him, and put him to bed will hurt her beyond belief. She will constantly think of him but try not to cry. She will, as most natural mothers do, pretend it doesn't hurt. Wipe away the tears before they fall. After the first Christmas you learn to cover up your feelings better to ignore what is happening around you. Oh but that first Christmas hits so hard and so unexpectedly. It seems as if everyone else has gone on with their life but you. You wonder how your family can carry on act like nothing has happened. I do remember that Christmas 18 years ago.
I know I have now learned to keep myself so busy and involved with a hundred things so my mind doesn't feel the pain in my heart. It makes it easier to get through one more day if you don't have to think of what is really happening.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Adopted for the Life of Me
Adopted for the life of me on PBS. I was finally able to watch this documentary last night. My husband and I watched it as the kids were falling asleep, I needed a box of Kleenex. Of course I knew the laws and the pain of adoption. I do know how hard it is to get your OBC in most states. Through search groups I have heard the pain of adoptees that just want to know more about their heritage, their history, who do they really come from, who do they look like? These are basic human questions.
Adoption is a life long experience. An elderly woman says I just want to know who I am before I die. Darryl from Run DMC said "the information (sealed OBC) is part of who we are, our identity."
In New Jersey - Pam Hesagawa asks - "Who are we fighting? The Catholic church, the state bar associate, lobbyist, ACLU, misinformation and dismissive attitudes. Birth mother right to privacy from her own child." Pam also says "adoptees are part of a mother privacy not a part from it"
In 1982 one adoptee lived 6 blocks away from his natural mom. 6 blocks away and neither mother nor child knew, he was an adult at the time. He found both his parents after they died. He did end up meeting his only biological sister. She had only had 4 things from her father when he died. She gave her long lost brother 3 of them. What a selfless caring person. This stranger she never met until they were in their 60's she gave 3 of the only mementos she had of her dad to her brother. It wasn't that they were of any monetary value but they met the world to the adoptee. She validated him, she allowed him to call her father, their father, dad. No jealousy, no dirty secret, just love.
One woman found out she was child number 5 from her mother. Wow, she was an adult and it looked like in her late 30's and she just found out she had 4 older siblings. Can you even imagine that?
As I watched it one adult adoptee, he was in his 60's, found his moms gravestone and her friends. She had him in her 30's. He was her only child. He wanted answers to the whys. Why at her age couldn't she care for him. Why did she get rid of him? He seemed hurt by his mom before he found her friends. And then after piecing her life together and finding out about how she was abused he understood. She was just protecting him. She didn't want her son, her baby to be abused they way she had been. He not only forgave her but he called her his hero. This older man with salt and pepper hair went from anger to love just by knowing his history, his story. He read poems that his mom kept. He knew she thought about him, she loved him, and missed him, he knew he was wanted.
It was also interesting to see that in Kansas, a state that never sealed records, anyone can get their OBC. They can see their birth name. They can see their parents name. There have never been problems with children coming back to haunt their natural families. Natural parents did not need to be hidden from their children. A CI is not needed to be the go-between. Isn't it a lot easier to get your basic information if you have a name to start with. Your medical information is much easier to find if you have your mothers and fathers names.
I know not every reunion is great. There can be pain and hurt for both the adoptee and natural parent. But to look at someone and see yourself reflected back into them, that is awesome. To get your medical information and know the diseases to look out for, for yourself and your children. That is needed.
I know I have a lot more medical information for myself and my siblings then I had almost 19 years ago when I placed my daughter. We have since found out that my older sister has hemophilia, a mild form of it, she gets it from our dad's side. My niece has a rare liver disease. I did not hide these things from my daughter at birth but they were unknown at the time of her birth. We also have found there are a lot of dairy, gluten, and meat allergies in my immediate family. I did not know these things when I had my daughter. My younger sister just recently found out she has a gluten allergy. We also have found out that from my moms side we have a hereditary form of blood clots. My little sister has had problems with high cholesterol since about the time Alyssa was born. My sister was on track and field, was skinny but still had high cholesterol, it had nothing to do with her weight at all. She had to be very careful with her fat content in food. Since I placed my daughter my dad has been diagnosed with diabetes.
These are all things that my descendants need to know. I do not know if my daughter and her adoptive parents were given her full medical history at the time of her birth. There are things I had told my social worker that my daughter was never told. I had told my social worker that I was half Danish but one of the first things my daughter asked me when we started texting was "what was her heritage? Where did our ancestors come from?" She should have had that already. What else was left out? I do not know at all.
One of the lines in the last 10 minutes of the show is "In the end sealed records did not protect anyone it just keeps them apart." Sadly that is true too many times.
Adoption is a life long experience. An elderly woman says I just want to know who I am before I die. Darryl from Run DMC said "the information (sealed OBC) is part of who we are, our identity."
In New Jersey - Pam Hesagawa asks - "Who are we fighting? The Catholic church, the state bar associate, lobbyist, ACLU, misinformation and dismissive attitudes. Birth mother right to privacy from her own child." Pam also says "adoptees are part of a mother privacy not a part from it"
In 1982 one adoptee lived 6 blocks away from his natural mom. 6 blocks away and neither mother nor child knew, he was an adult at the time. He found both his parents after they died. He did end up meeting his only biological sister. She had only had 4 things from her father when he died. She gave her long lost brother 3 of them. What a selfless caring person. This stranger she never met until they were in their 60's she gave 3 of the only mementos she had of her dad to her brother. It wasn't that they were of any monetary value but they met the world to the adoptee. She validated him, she allowed him to call her father, their father, dad. No jealousy, no dirty secret, just love.
One woman found out she was child number 5 from her mother. Wow, she was an adult and it looked like in her late 30's and she just found out she had 4 older siblings. Can you even imagine that?
As I watched it one adult adoptee, he was in his 60's, found his moms gravestone and her friends. She had him in her 30's. He was her only child. He wanted answers to the whys. Why at her age couldn't she care for him. Why did she get rid of him? He seemed hurt by his mom before he found her friends. And then after piecing her life together and finding out about how she was abused he understood. She was just protecting him. She didn't want her son, her baby to be abused they way she had been. He not only forgave her but he called her his hero. This older man with salt and pepper hair went from anger to love just by knowing his history, his story. He read poems that his mom kept. He knew she thought about him, she loved him, and missed him, he knew he was wanted.
It was also interesting to see that in Kansas, a state that never sealed records, anyone can get their OBC. They can see their birth name. They can see their parents name. There have never been problems with children coming back to haunt their natural families. Natural parents did not need to be hidden from their children. A CI is not needed to be the go-between. Isn't it a lot easier to get your basic information if you have a name to start with. Your medical information is much easier to find if you have your mothers and fathers names.
I know not every reunion is great. There can be pain and hurt for both the adoptee and natural parent. But to look at someone and see yourself reflected back into them, that is awesome. To get your medical information and know the diseases to look out for, for yourself and your children. That is needed.
I know I have a lot more medical information for myself and my siblings then I had almost 19 years ago when I placed my daughter. We have since found out that my older sister has hemophilia, a mild form of it, she gets it from our dad's side. My niece has a rare liver disease. I did not hide these things from my daughter at birth but they were unknown at the time of her birth. We also have found there are a lot of dairy, gluten, and meat allergies in my immediate family. I did not know these things when I had my daughter. My younger sister just recently found out she has a gluten allergy. We also have found out that from my moms side we have a hereditary form of blood clots. My little sister has had problems with high cholesterol since about the time Alyssa was born. My sister was on track and field, was skinny but still had high cholesterol, it had nothing to do with her weight at all. She had to be very careful with her fat content in food. Since I placed my daughter my dad has been diagnosed with diabetes.
These are all things that my descendants need to know. I do not know if my daughter and her adoptive parents were given her full medical history at the time of her birth. There are things I had told my social worker that my daughter was never told. I had told my social worker that I was half Danish but one of the first things my daughter asked me when we started texting was "what was her heritage? Where did our ancestors come from?" She should have had that already. What else was left out? I do not know at all.
One of the lines in the last 10 minutes of the show is "In the end sealed records did not protect anyone it just keeps them apart." Sadly that is true too many times.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
It's been a few days since I posted anything. Alyssa came back from Hawaii with her boyfriend on Tuesday. She really seemed to love it. She was falling even more head over heels for her boyfriend. They have been together for almost a year. She was about 6 weeks pregnant when they started dating. On Thursday 2 days after they got back to Utah he broke up with her, this is his third time breaking up with her in the past year. She is totally heartbroken. I hate not being able to comfort her. It really sucks being so far away. I would love for her to be able to fly out to California soon but I don't know if that will even be possible. I remember when I was dating all of the times I was hurt when someone would break up with me. It never really got easy. I tried to pretend it didn't hurt but it still did.
Alyssa has had quite a hard year, just one heartbreak after another. She seems to take break ups as a personal rejection. I know it seems easy to say for me because it isn't me going through it. She deserves someone that loves her for her. She needs someone crazy about her for her personality, for her kindness, for her unselfishness for her amazing inner strength. She is so beautiful I think it is hard for guys to see past her looks and love her for herself. They seem to want just eye candy and when they realize she is so much more than that they can't handle it.
I hope one day she will see in herself everything I see in her. I want her to never settle for less than she truly deserves. I'm not talking about money I am talking about being with a person that will see the best in her and love her for those things. Someone that will bring out the best in her and she brings out the best in them. I want someone for her that doesn't want her to change in anyway. Alyssa Mary I love you so much. I hate you hurting in any way.
Alyssa has had quite a hard year, just one heartbreak after another. She seems to take break ups as a personal rejection. I know it seems easy to say for me because it isn't me going through it. She deserves someone that loves her for her. She needs someone crazy about her for her personality, for her kindness, for her unselfishness for her amazing inner strength. She is so beautiful I think it is hard for guys to see past her looks and love her for herself. They seem to want just eye candy and when they realize she is so much more than that they can't handle it.
I hope one day she will see in herself everything I see in her. I want her to never settle for less than she truly deserves. I'm not talking about money I am talking about being with a person that will see the best in her and love her for those things. Someone that will bring out the best in her and she brings out the best in them. I want someone for her that doesn't want her to change in anyway. Alyssa Mary I love you so much. I hate you hurting in any way.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
I was born in New York and raised in California. My parents can trace our LDS roots back about 150 years. My ancestors helped settle areas of Utah and Idaho. My parents left the state of Utah about 40 years ago. They are back living there now though. My parents are liberal politically for Utah but conservative for California. They have always taught us to be morally right, not legally but morally right. Don't just follow the letter of the law but the spirit of the law . Morality for them was not just about don't have premarital sex but about living in honesty. You don't follow the letter of the law but you do the right thing even if it is more than what the law says to be right.
Living up to what they have taught also includes not passing judgement. My dad always said it doesn't matter what people say it is their actions that matter. Sometimes you have to stand outside of the crowd. Yes you have to sometimes stand outside the crowd even at church. Just because someone claims to be christian because they put it all over there blog or face book doesn't mean they are following a Christlike example.
I do expect these things of other members of my church but too often I'm disappointed. I have met some people who are life long friends that are like this, who are honest in all they do. Some are LDS and some are not. My husband and his family overall have the same values I was raised with. My husband is Catholic, I'm not talking about the kind that goes once a year to church but the type that goes weekly and tries to also help the surrounding community. The type that gives time and money to the needy.
I am no where close to perfect. I do know that, I am sometimes too passionate, driven, stubborn. I try to protect those that can't protect themselves. So often when people find out I'm LDS they are shocked. I often hear but you aren't judgmental or racist, you know how to have fun and enjoy the moment. Or I hear but you don't have only Mormon friends, is that allowed? I also hear a lot from friends of how weird Utah/Mormons are. Yes when I visit Utah it seems weird to me also. I'm used to liberal free thinking California not conservative Utah. I'm used to big cities and a broad mix of ideas and people.
One thing I do not understand is how a state for family values can give fathers no right in adoptions. A state that has 80 to 90% of their politicians are LDS. You would think that this state would hold itself more accountable. You would think this state would have the best laws for adoption. Not the best laws for adoptive parents. I expect more empathy from LDS members and their leaders. I was taught my church is about families, families first. Is that only for married couples are family first? Should families come first for all families even the ones created through premarital sex?
In this great state of Utah a father has to do more than just prove he is the biological father through DNA he has to prove that he has supported the pregnant mother. He has to register that he wants his rights honored. How can his rights as a dad can be taken away so easily? I do not understand that at all. How when families are supposed to be first can fathers, who are supposed to be the head of the families, be cast aside so easily?
Living up to what they have taught also includes not passing judgement. My dad always said it doesn't matter what people say it is their actions that matter. Sometimes you have to stand outside of the crowd. Yes you have to sometimes stand outside the crowd even at church. Just because someone claims to be christian because they put it all over there blog or face book doesn't mean they are following a Christlike example.
I do expect these things of other members of my church but too often I'm disappointed. I have met some people who are life long friends that are like this, who are honest in all they do. Some are LDS and some are not. My husband and his family overall have the same values I was raised with. My husband is Catholic, I'm not talking about the kind that goes once a year to church but the type that goes weekly and tries to also help the surrounding community. The type that gives time and money to the needy.
I am no where close to perfect. I do know that, I am sometimes too passionate, driven, stubborn. I try to protect those that can't protect themselves. So often when people find out I'm LDS they are shocked. I often hear but you aren't judgmental or racist, you know how to have fun and enjoy the moment. Or I hear but you don't have only Mormon friends, is that allowed? I also hear a lot from friends of how weird Utah/Mormons are. Yes when I visit Utah it seems weird to me also. I'm used to liberal free thinking California not conservative Utah. I'm used to big cities and a broad mix of ideas and people.
One thing I do not understand is how a state for family values can give fathers no right in adoptions. A state that has 80 to 90% of their politicians are LDS. You would think that this state would hold itself more accountable. You would think this state would have the best laws for adoption. Not the best laws for adoptive parents. I expect more empathy from LDS members and their leaders. I was taught my church is about families, families first. Is that only for married couples are family first? Should families come first for all families even the ones created through premarital sex?
In this great state of Utah a father has to do more than just prove he is the biological father through DNA he has to prove that he has supported the pregnant mother. He has to register that he wants his rights honored. How can his rights as a dad can be taken away so easily? I do not understand that at all. How when families are supposed to be first can fathers, who are supposed to be the head of the families, be cast aside so easily?
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Infertility
We know why most, not all, people look into adoption is because they for one reason or another can't have kids of their own. Some people are past prime when they start trying to have kids. We now know that late 20's your fertility rate starts to decline. For some reason not every bodies body can have a baby even in their early 20's and with all medical advances. Some of us are very fertile, as my mom calls it Fertile Myrtle. I do hav empathy for these families. I have seen these struggles in people that I love and admire. Do I think anyone deserves to suffer infertility? No I do not.
In absence of being able to have their own child people choose adoption. Adoption does give a wanting family a child. It absolutely gives a family a baby to call their own, as if born to. It gives a woman a new name, mom. It gives her a child to raise, to hold, to love. But it does not change her fertility. She still will look at her child and see someone else's eyes, hair, skin. She will love the child of course but the baby will be wired differently than her own children would have been. Even if you have a child from birth the child will think differently because he doesn't have your personality make up, just like he doesn't have your genetics. Yes the child will have some things in common just like you have things in common with your friends even though you are not related. You might find you both love the same music, TV shows, and have the same sense of humor. Will your politics, religion of choice, and values be the same? Will you have problems with that? Will you feel less than, because you could give a child a home but not give birth to that child.
Even if you raise a child from birth and you are the only mother and father they know it will not change the facts they are not totally yours. The child will always have another family out there, another mother and father. Adoption brings up a whole new set of questions and self esteem issues for the adoptive parents. Will you wonder if your child will love you as much as they love their natural family? Will there be jealousy? Will you feel as if you are enough in society's eyes? Adoption does bring a new different set of questions and misgivings for all 4 parents. It brings up problems for the natural parents not just the adoptive parents and it can bring up issues for the adoptee too.
Adoption does not get rid of your infertility. If your child gets pregnant before marriage will it bring up your infertility issues, will you feel less than? Will you be jealous of your child? Will you consider their child your grandchild?
In absence of being able to have their own child people choose adoption. Adoption does give a wanting family a child. It absolutely gives a family a baby to call their own, as if born to. It gives a woman a new name, mom. It gives her a child to raise, to hold, to love. But it does not change her fertility. She still will look at her child and see someone else's eyes, hair, skin. She will love the child of course but the baby will be wired differently than her own children would have been. Even if you have a child from birth the child will think differently because he doesn't have your personality make up, just like he doesn't have your genetics. Yes the child will have some things in common just like you have things in common with your friends even though you are not related. You might find you both love the same music, TV shows, and have the same sense of humor. Will your politics, religion of choice, and values be the same? Will you have problems with that? Will you feel less than, because you could give a child a home but not give birth to that child.
Even if you raise a child from birth and you are the only mother and father they know it will not change the facts they are not totally yours. The child will always have another family out there, another mother and father. Adoption brings up a whole new set of questions and self esteem issues for the adoptive parents. Will you wonder if your child will love you as much as they love their natural family? Will there be jealousy? Will you feel as if you are enough in society's eyes? Adoption does bring a new different set of questions and misgivings for all 4 parents. It brings up problems for the natural parents not just the adoptive parents and it can bring up issues for the adoptee too.
Adoption does not get rid of your infertility. If your child gets pregnant before marriage will it bring up your infertility issues, will you feel less than? Will you be jealous of your child? Will you consider their child your grandchild?
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Importance of Family
I am not going to talk about adoption on this post. I know you are shocked right. My parents have always taught us family first. Nothing is more important than that and family will always be there for you no matter what. I want to talk about my little sister Laurel and how she is teaching this to her kids.
Laurel separated from her boyfriend 6 months ago, they were together for 5 year. They have 2 great kids ages 2 1/2 and 5 years old. Oh I just adore those two little boys. They are so cute and have amazing imaginations. My sister has the boys for Christmas and they live in Northern Oregon. She doesn't have any extended family up there so she is going to drive 10 hours to be with the rest of the family for Christmas in California. We do see her and her sons every couple of months. She has gone out of the way to show her boys how important family is. She doesn't tell them but shows them by example.
She has already set up in her boys life teenagers and adults that her boys will trust and can turn to as they get older. Her ex-boyfriends parents want to see their grand kids for Christmas time. She could be the total brat and say well I have them for the Christmas. Instead she told them she can visit with them either on the way to or from Oregon depending on their schedule. She understood how important it is for her kids, their grand kids, to see and get to know each other. It's not about the adults breaking up but the kids having family and feeling loved. Just because parents are separated does not mean that children should lose out on their heritage and bonds that came with family. I am so proud about her decisions she is making for her sons.
Laurel separated from her boyfriend 6 months ago, they were together for 5 year. They have 2 great kids ages 2 1/2 and 5 years old. Oh I just adore those two little boys. They are so cute and have amazing imaginations. My sister has the boys for Christmas and they live in Northern Oregon. She doesn't have any extended family up there so she is going to drive 10 hours to be with the rest of the family for Christmas in California. We do see her and her sons every couple of months. She has gone out of the way to show her boys how important family is. She doesn't tell them but shows them by example.
She has already set up in her boys life teenagers and adults that her boys will trust and can turn to as they get older. Her ex-boyfriends parents want to see their grand kids for Christmas time. She could be the total brat and say well I have them for the Christmas. Instead she told them she can visit with them either on the way to or from Oregon depending on their schedule. She understood how important it is for her kids, their grand kids, to see and get to know each other. It's not about the adults breaking up but the kids having family and feeling loved. Just because parents are separated does not mean that children should lose out on their heritage and bonds that came with family. I am so proud about her decisions she is making for her sons.
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