Adopted for the life of me on PBS. I was finally able to watch this documentary last night. My husband and I watched it as the kids were falling asleep, I needed a box of Kleenex. Of course I knew the laws and the pain of adoption. I do know how hard it is to get your OBC in most states. Through search groups I have heard the pain of adoptees that just want to know more about their heritage, their history, who do they really come from, who do they look like? These are basic human questions.
Adoption is a life long experience. An elderly woman says I just want to know who I am before I die. Darryl from Run DMC said "the information (sealed OBC) is part of who we are, our identity."
In New Jersey - Pam Hesagawa asks - "Who are we fighting? The Catholic church, the state bar associate, lobbyist, ACLU, misinformation and dismissive attitudes. Birth mother right to privacy from her own child." Pam also says "adoptees are part of a mother privacy not a part from it"
In 1982 one adoptee lived 6 blocks away from his natural mom. 6 blocks away and neither mother nor child knew, he was an adult at the time. He found both his parents after they died. He did end up meeting his only biological sister. She had only had 4 things from her father when he died. She gave her long lost brother 3 of them. What a selfless caring person. This stranger she never met until they were in their 60's she gave 3 of the only mementos she had of her dad to her brother. It wasn't that they were of any monetary value but they met the world to the adoptee. She validated him, she allowed him to call her father, their father, dad. No jealousy, no dirty secret, just love.
One woman found out she was child number 5 from her mother. Wow, she was an adult and it looked like in her late 30's and she just found out she had 4 older siblings. Can you even imagine that?
As I watched it one adult adoptee, he was in his 60's, found his moms gravestone and her friends. She had him in her 30's. He was her only child. He wanted answers to the whys. Why at her age couldn't she care for him. Why did she get rid of him? He seemed hurt by his mom before he found her friends. And then after piecing her life together and finding out about how she was abused he understood. She was just protecting him. She didn't want her son, her baby to be abused they way she had been. He not only forgave her but he called her his hero. This older man with salt and pepper hair went from anger to love just by knowing his history, his story. He read poems that his mom kept. He knew she thought about him, she loved him, and missed him, he knew he was wanted.
It was also interesting to see that in Kansas, a state that never sealed records, anyone can get their OBC. They can see their birth name. They can see their parents name. There have never been problems with children coming back to haunt their natural families. Natural parents did not need to be hidden from their children. A CI is not needed to be the go-between. Isn't it a lot easier to get your basic information if you have a name to start with. Your medical information is much easier to find if you have your mothers and fathers names.
I know not every reunion is great. There can be pain and hurt for both the adoptee and natural parent. But to look at someone and see yourself reflected back into them, that is awesome. To get your medical information and know the diseases to look out for, for yourself and your children. That is needed.
I know I have a lot more medical information for myself and my siblings then I had almost 19 years ago when I placed my daughter. We have since found out that my older sister has hemophilia, a mild form of it, she gets it from our dad's side. My niece has a rare liver disease. I did not hide these things from my daughter at birth but they were unknown at the time of her birth. We also have found there are a lot of dairy, gluten, and meat allergies in my immediate family. I did not know these things when I had my daughter. My younger sister just recently found out she has a gluten allergy. We also have found out that from my moms side we have a hereditary form of blood clots. My little sister has had problems with high cholesterol since about the time Alyssa was born. My sister was on track and field, was skinny but still had high cholesterol, it had nothing to do with her weight at all. She had to be very careful with her fat content in food. Since I placed my daughter my dad has been diagnosed with diabetes.
These are all things that my descendants need to know. I do not know if my daughter and her adoptive parents were given her full medical history at the time of her birth. There are things I had told my social worker that my daughter was never told. I had told my social worker that I was half Danish but one of the first things my daughter asked me when we started texting was "what was her heritage? Where did our ancestors come from?" She should have had that already. What else was left out? I do not know at all.
One of the lines in the last 10 minutes of the show is "In the end sealed records did not protect anyone it just keeps them apart." Sadly that is true too many times.
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