Last night was a bit rough.  Cassie and Kenny were both crazy emotional and they both needed me to spend time alone with them and comfort them.  No they were not upset about adoption but normal teenage angst.  I was having major stomach problems on top of it all.  I finally got everyone calmed down and went to sleep around midnight. 

This morning when I woke up everything was normal in fact better than normal.  Cassie woke up early and happy which is very rare for her.  It has been quite a good morning to say the least.  She usually despises mornings and is just awful to be around. 

This morning I was thinking how lucky Alyssa and I are even with this whole mess of adoption.  First of all not only has my husband totally accepted her as his own but she has accepted him.  He never thought of her as a ghost from my past that will come back to haunt us.  I never had to ask for his forgiveness for having a child before I met him.  He was just as excited as me when we finally met her.  He is so supportive of our relationship and all 4 kids having a great sibling relationship.  When the 6 of us are together you couldn't  tell which 3 kids are his biologically and which one is not. 

When Alyssa contacted her grandfather on her dad's side he immediately accepted her.  She has been in contact with her aunt, uncle, and even her father.  She has not met any of them in person but they have still accepted her.  Her dad is in jail and I'm not sure if she is totally ready to meet him in jail yet or not.  But he does live  the closest to her.  She is in Utah and he is in as she calls it Boise State.  Her grandparents on her dad's side live in New Mexico, her uncle lives in Oklahoma, I don't remember where her aunt lives right now

When Alyssa first got in contact with  her paternal side I told her do not give them my contact information.  Even 19 years later I did not want contact with her father because of how he was when I knew him. I had absolutely hoped he had changed and grew up.  I had hoped he would be a good functioning member of society.  I hoped for my daughter that he would be a great example to her.

I am still not in contact with her dad at all but she is and she writes him letters.  I am glad he writes her back and accepts her.  She is the only one of his 8 kids that is in contact with him.  Her Uncle Mike on his side has been awesome to her.  I am in contact with him also.  He is helping us find her family history.   I can trace my roots back to the 1600's and pretty easily come up with a family tree that has names, dates, kids, and spouses.  Her dad's family doesn't have that yet.  So he is helping us find names and dates of her great grandparents.  I figure we can work farther back after that.  We did find out that her great grandmother is full Cherokee Indian.  She also has Native American blood ties on her dad's father's side.  I just want  to help her find names. I think she deserves to have that.   She also is 1/4 Danish on my side.    She is definitely a mix of a little of everything.

Her family history is not the same as her adoptive parents.  They have their family history and stories so why should my daughter not just because she was adopted?  I think in ways it is more important for her to have it because her ties have been cut from her natural family.  She didn't grow up with stories of her ancestors.  She didn't grow up with  knowing any natural  family.  She deserved to have had these since birth so it is now time to start looking, after all she has waited almost 19 years.