Cassie was asking what an OBC and ABC was. I explained to her what each thing was. I said that an OBC is an original birth certificate and it has who your parents are. She commented that an ABC must mean Altered Birth Certificate. I said well close enough it means amended or changed to represent the people that raise you.
She then asked me if Alyssa and I both had a DNA test done would it show that we shared DNA. Remember Cassie is 12 years old. I said yes it would show we share the same DNA. Adoption can not change who your descendants or ancestors are. It changes who raises you. It changes who you grow up calling mom and dad. Cassie said I'm glad they can't change her DNA, enough has been taken away already from my sister and me.
Owen and me
My first grandson one day old.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Friday, April 22, 2011
What to do
Kenny was telling me how one of his friends who is 15 wants to find her parents. She was adopted as an infant and doesn't know anything about her adoption or original family. This girl has been searching her house while her parents are out for her adoption records. She has been searching the Internet trying to figure out which agency her parents used. Kenny came to me to help give her advice. Kenny and his friends think I am some adoption expert because I have lived it. I have never been an adoptee I don't know what it is like from their perspective.
What I said was she needs to be honest with her parents. Legally the agency can not help find her parents yet. But she does know she was born and raised in the same county. She needs to reassure her parents she doesn't want to replace them. Since she was born in the same area she is being raised in she wants to make sure she doesn't date a brother or cousin or any other family member. I do not know if her adoption was opened or closed. Her parents might have a lot of information including her mother's name and a picture. Or that might just have some basic non identifying information (like Alyssa's parents had). This girl might be content just knowing her birth name and her basic information of her mother. She feels this is her information and it shouldn't be kept from her.
My suggestion was that if she has her parents permission send a letter to her mother through the agency. If the agency has a forwarding address they can get the letter to the mother or it can be kept in a file for the mother. Does anyone have better advice? I know this girl is young but I think it is important that she has her questions answered. I really do think that it is important for every person to know where they come from, who they inherit their looks and personality from. It is not about tearing apart an adoptive family but building up the self worth of an individual.
What I said was she needs to be honest with her parents. Legally the agency can not help find her parents yet. But she does know she was born and raised in the same county. She needs to reassure her parents she doesn't want to replace them. Since she was born in the same area she is being raised in she wants to make sure she doesn't date a brother or cousin or any other family member. I do not know if her adoption was opened or closed. Her parents might have a lot of information including her mother's name and a picture. Or that might just have some basic non identifying information (like Alyssa's parents had). This girl might be content just knowing her birth name and her basic information of her mother. She feels this is her information and it shouldn't be kept from her.
My suggestion was that if she has her parents permission send a letter to her mother through the agency. If the agency has a forwarding address they can get the letter to the mother or it can be kept in a file for the mother. Does anyone have better advice? I know this girl is young but I think it is important that she has her questions answered. I really do think that it is important for every person to know where they come from, who they inherit their looks and personality from. It is not about tearing apart an adoptive family but building up the self worth of an individual.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
This week
I haven't posted in the last few days. Busy with life, work, kids, a little bit of everything. I keep thinking that I'm not very social and just so quiet but somehow for someone that is not very social I have had plans with friends or family every weekend for the last 4 months. It is very rare that we have a weekend with no plans.
This week the three kids wanted their hair colored so we finally did it. Cassie has purple in her platinum blond hair. Kenny has a purple faux-hawk while the rest of his hair is dark brown. And Alex wanted to go white blond but once we stripped his hair of color he decided to keep it that way. So his hair isn't blond but yellow, think of Easter egg yellow. Not my favorite but it is their hair and they have their own opinion and way to express themselves. I personally don't see coloring hair as rebellious. After being at the high school a lot over the past 2 years I have noticed that over half of the students color their hair.
A weird coincidence has happened. I was picking up the boys at school, Kenny was out and we were waiting for Alex. I sat with his friends and we were talking. They commented that I didn't look like I am a mom. I said, Well I had my first baby at 12 years old (sarcasm). The kids actually believed it so I said "no I really had my first baby when I was 16. But once you say 12, 16 doesn't sound so bad, right. We were sitting with about 4 kids and one girl said oh my mom had me at 14. And then she said but I was adopted. And then the boy sitting with us said I was adopted too. He was adopted by his mom's aunt and the aunt's boyfriend. How much of a coincidence is it that these 4 kids that hang out every day 3 of them have been directly affected by adoption? I find it interesting that Kenny was drawn to this group. Up until that day none of these kids knew the others were affected by adoption.
This past weekend I was at my sister's house and we were celebrating my nephews 21st birthday. My sister-in-law and I were talking. She mentioned that it is so weird how well Alyssa fits in, it's like she came back to where she belonged. She says you would have never known with the way you two are together that she was ever placed for adoption. My sis-in-law mentioned how all of Alyssa's actions, reactions, how she tilts her head, the way she talks is just like the rest of us. (FYI- My sister in law started dating my brother in September 2009 and Alyssa and I first made contact outside of the agency November 2009.)
Next my brother who is very conservative and non-emotional was asking about Owen's adoption. I told him that it was currently closed Alyssa gets text at times which have pictures but there is no personal contact. My brother got very angry, he started telling me how that is illegal. You can not legally go into adoption as opened and then close it. He was literally yelling. This is my brother who has said every child born to unwed parents should be placed for adoption. He obviously has no children and has never been in that situation. I told him very plainly that there is no such thing as a legal open adoption. You can promise anything but as soon as the mother signs away her rights she doesn't have a legal right to ever see her child again. He was shocked and said but if that was the agreement how can it be changed? I often wonder the same thing. Obviously our legal system is not really set up for open adoption. It is set up for closed adoptions with falsified birth certificates.
This week the three kids wanted their hair colored so we finally did it. Cassie has purple in her platinum blond hair. Kenny has a purple faux-hawk while the rest of his hair is dark brown. And Alex wanted to go white blond but once we stripped his hair of color he decided to keep it that way. So his hair isn't blond but yellow, think of Easter egg yellow. Not my favorite but it is their hair and they have their own opinion and way to express themselves. I personally don't see coloring hair as rebellious. After being at the high school a lot over the past 2 years I have noticed that over half of the students color their hair.
A weird coincidence has happened. I was picking up the boys at school, Kenny was out and we were waiting for Alex. I sat with his friends and we were talking. They commented that I didn't look like I am a mom. I said, Well I had my first baby at 12 years old (sarcasm). The kids actually believed it so I said "no I really had my first baby when I was 16. But once you say 12, 16 doesn't sound so bad, right. We were sitting with about 4 kids and one girl said oh my mom had me at 14. And then she said but I was adopted. And then the boy sitting with us said I was adopted too. He was adopted by his mom's aunt and the aunt's boyfriend. How much of a coincidence is it that these 4 kids that hang out every day 3 of them have been directly affected by adoption? I find it interesting that Kenny was drawn to this group. Up until that day none of these kids knew the others were affected by adoption.
This past weekend I was at my sister's house and we were celebrating my nephews 21st birthday. My sister-in-law and I were talking. She mentioned that it is so weird how well Alyssa fits in, it's like she came back to where she belonged. She says you would have never known with the way you two are together that she was ever placed for adoption. My sis-in-law mentioned how all of Alyssa's actions, reactions, how she tilts her head, the way she talks is just like the rest of us. (FYI- My sister in law started dating my brother in September 2009 and Alyssa and I first made contact outside of the agency November 2009.)
Next my brother who is very conservative and non-emotional was asking about Owen's adoption. I told him that it was currently closed Alyssa gets text at times which have pictures but there is no personal contact. My brother got very angry, he started telling me how that is illegal. You can not legally go into adoption as opened and then close it. He was literally yelling. This is my brother who has said every child born to unwed parents should be placed for adoption. He obviously has no children and has never been in that situation. I told him very plainly that there is no such thing as a legal open adoption. You can promise anything but as soon as the mother signs away her rights she doesn't have a legal right to ever see her child again. He was shocked and said but if that was the agreement how can it be changed? I often wonder the same thing. Obviously our legal system is not really set up for open adoption. It is set up for closed adoptions with falsified birth certificates.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Left behind
As adoptive parents in society you know other adoptive parents. As an adoptee you usually know other adoptees. As a natural mom there are groups that we can reach out to and find other natural moms. But what about the children that have a sibling placed for adoption? How often do they know other children that also have a sibling placed for adoption? All too often the raised children have not been told about the sibling that was placed for adoption. I know my kids were afraid to talk about it with their peers before we met Alyssa. They did not want to be the odd one out that didn't know what their sister looked like or even what her name was. How do you explain to other kids why your mom couldn't raise your sister but could raise you?
My 14 year old was talking to me a few months ago about a conversation he had with a friend at school. First of all I am so thankful that my son is comfortable enough to talk to people now about his sister. I've never told my kids that they could not talk about her or that she is a secret. I knew they would need to tell people and to open up to others about there experience in adoption, being the kids left behind. Growing up without their sister could not be easy on them.
He was talking to a friend about how his sister was placed for adoption but they now know each other and we are like a big family. His friend told him that he had a secret. This kid also had an older sibling placed for adoption. I don't know all the details about their conversation. Kenny did tell me that his friend is not in contact with the adopted sibling. They do not know where the sibling is. They did talk about the loss and pain. This other teenage boy told my son that he feels like adoption and abortion are the same thing. An abortion stops the pregnancy and kills what could have been while in adoption it is metaphoric, the baby doesn't die but it does kill the family and what should have been there. Kenny did agree with his friend.
As much as I hate that there are other kids that also suffer through living with adoption I am thankful Kenny has been able to open up to others. I'm thankful he reached out to this child and now they have someone that can understand them. I am glad that they now feel like they aren't the only ones dealing with this. I'm glad that they no longer feel alone. I'm glad that Kenny felt comfortable enough to share his story with his friend.
My 14 year old was talking to me a few months ago about a conversation he had with a friend at school. First of all I am so thankful that my son is comfortable enough to talk to people now about his sister. I've never told my kids that they could not talk about her or that she is a secret. I knew they would need to tell people and to open up to others about there experience in adoption, being the kids left behind. Growing up without their sister could not be easy on them.
He was talking to a friend about how his sister was placed for adoption but they now know each other and we are like a big family. His friend told him that he had a secret. This kid also had an older sibling placed for adoption. I don't know all the details about their conversation. Kenny did tell me that his friend is not in contact with the adopted sibling. They do not know where the sibling is. They did talk about the loss and pain. This other teenage boy told my son that he feels like adoption and abortion are the same thing. An abortion stops the pregnancy and kills what could have been while in adoption it is metaphoric, the baby doesn't die but it does kill the family and what should have been there. Kenny did agree with his friend.
As much as I hate that there are other kids that also suffer through living with adoption I am thankful Kenny has been able to open up to others. I'm thankful he reached out to this child and now they have someone that can understand them. I am glad that they now feel like they aren't the only ones dealing with this. I'm glad that they no longer feel alone. I'm glad that Kenny felt comfortable enough to share his story with his friend.
Friday, April 8, 2011
Men and Boys
a few days ago I wandered over to A Life's Being Lived blog. It had an amazing quote, "the work we do in adoption reform needs to cover issues like money, and to change social atmosphere to where a man's obligation and responsibility are called upon, and not relieved by options such as adoption and abortion."
A few months ago on "Letters to Ms Feverfew" she mentioned (and I am totally paraphrasing here) that sometimes men in the LDS culture get away with being sexually active because they can't get caught or have responsibilities. I can not remember the exact wording and she is a much better writer than I ever hope to be.
After watching my daughter date 2 inactive LDS boys that were raised in the LDS church it really made me stop to think and wonder. Both of these men pushed adoption as a way to avoid responsibility. Owens dad pushed it so he wouldn't have to tell his parents, so he didn't have to take responsibility for his actions. His family is very well off but it was easier to push Alyssa to "do the right thing before it was too late". Her boyfriend that she had dated for a year also pushed adoption so he wouldn't have to help raise someone else's child. He was very well off too but didn't want the responsibility.
In my church we are taught that adoption is the best option if you are not willing to marry. We are taught that adoption is about love. We are told that the selfless thing to do is place your child and give that child 2 parents. I wonder if this environment gives men a free pass? I know that is not the intention but it is an easy out. Isn't it a win-win for the man? They don't have to pay for the consequences of bringing a child into this world. If they live in Utah they don't even have to sign their rights away, they don't really have rights unless they have helped support the mother while she is pregnant and claimed their child.
There is even an article in the LDS church magazine to promote adoption if you are single and pregnant. That same article has been used against me because I dared to say that children whenever possible should stay with there parents in the family they were born into unless the family is abusive or has absolutely no way to to raise the child. Adoption trauma should not be forced upon a child just because parents are unmarried. Adoption affects so much more than the 2 parents that create the child and the child.
Adoption affects generations before that child and after the child. I know in my family Owen's adoption has affected his great grandparents. We have not told my grandmother about Owen because I do not know if she can handle it. She is even more for family preservation than myself. She has a very hard time still with Alyssa being placed for adoption and not being able to know one of her great-grandchildren, not watching Alyssa grow and mature. Alyssa's adoption has drastically affected my raised kids. They don't know what it is like to have their whole family together at one time. They do not know what it is like to be raised with all of there siblings. As a non-adopted person that is crazy to me, even with all the ups and down in my family I wouldn't change my siblings for the world. Most people take for granted the fact that they are raised with their siblings that they share DNA with.
If men really thought about their actions as I have described above, how it could affect there other children, would there choices about adoption be severely different? Would they use adoption as a scapegoat?
I have talked to my children about birth control and protection from about the time they were 10 years old. My details about responsibility has became more graphic as they get older. My almost 17 year old son, I talk about always using 2 forms of birth control. 1 barrier method that he is totally responsible for and another form either spermicide or the pill or anything else, but barrier method is always to be used as a form of birth control. It is not just the women's responsibility if she gets pregnant.
I do expect a lot from my sons especially, I expect them to be men if they are willing to have sex. I expect them to protect themselves from diseases. If the woman gets pregnant I do expect them to be responsible for the baby. Is that really a hard concept? Only when men fully take responsibility for their actions that cause children will woman truly have a choice to keep their children.
A few months ago on "Letters to Ms Feverfew" she mentioned (and I am totally paraphrasing here) that sometimes men in the LDS culture get away with being sexually active because they can't get caught or have responsibilities. I can not remember the exact wording and she is a much better writer than I ever hope to be.
After watching my daughter date 2 inactive LDS boys that were raised in the LDS church it really made me stop to think and wonder. Both of these men pushed adoption as a way to avoid responsibility. Owens dad pushed it so he wouldn't have to tell his parents, so he didn't have to take responsibility for his actions. His family is very well off but it was easier to push Alyssa to "do the right thing before it was too late". Her boyfriend that she had dated for a year also pushed adoption so he wouldn't have to help raise someone else's child. He was very well off too but didn't want the responsibility.
In my church we are taught that adoption is the best option if you are not willing to marry. We are taught that adoption is about love. We are told that the selfless thing to do is place your child and give that child 2 parents. I wonder if this environment gives men a free pass? I know that is not the intention but it is an easy out. Isn't it a win-win for the man? They don't have to pay for the consequences of bringing a child into this world. If they live in Utah they don't even have to sign their rights away, they don't really have rights unless they have helped support the mother while she is pregnant and claimed their child.
There is even an article in the LDS church magazine to promote adoption if you are single and pregnant. That same article has been used against me because I dared to say that children whenever possible should stay with there parents in the family they were born into unless the family is abusive or has absolutely no way to to raise the child. Adoption trauma should not be forced upon a child just because parents are unmarried. Adoption affects so much more than the 2 parents that create the child and the child.
Adoption affects generations before that child and after the child. I know in my family Owen's adoption has affected his great grandparents. We have not told my grandmother about Owen because I do not know if she can handle it. She is even more for family preservation than myself. She has a very hard time still with Alyssa being placed for adoption and not being able to know one of her great-grandchildren, not watching Alyssa grow and mature. Alyssa's adoption has drastically affected my raised kids. They don't know what it is like to have their whole family together at one time. They do not know what it is like to be raised with all of there siblings. As a non-adopted person that is crazy to me, even with all the ups and down in my family I wouldn't change my siblings for the world. Most people take for granted the fact that they are raised with their siblings that they share DNA with.
If men really thought about their actions as I have described above, how it could affect there other children, would there choices about adoption be severely different? Would they use adoption as a scapegoat?
I have talked to my children about birth control and protection from about the time they were 10 years old. My details about responsibility has became more graphic as they get older. My almost 17 year old son, I talk about always using 2 forms of birth control. 1 barrier method that he is totally responsible for and another form either spermicide or the pill or anything else, but barrier method is always to be used as a form of birth control. It is not just the women's responsibility if she gets pregnant.
I do expect a lot from my sons especially, I expect them to be men if they are willing to have sex. I expect them to protect themselves from diseases. If the woman gets pregnant I do expect them to be responsible for the baby. Is that really a hard concept? Only when men fully take responsibility for their actions that cause children will woman truly have a choice to keep their children.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
To my oldest daughter
Dear Alyssa,
Oh my li'l one, I know you are going through a very hard time right now. I have read your blog and talked with you about your many struggles in life right now. I would tell you these words in person but you have such a hard time taking any sort of compliment or advice. I hope you will slowly take in what I am trying to tell you. I know there is probably some things that you haven't told me yet, words you are not ready to tell anyone else. I know it is so hard for you to fully trust other people. I absolutely understand why you don't trust people, so many have turned and twisted the things you do and say.
I can not know what it feels like to be adopted. I do not know what it is like to not grow up without your family history. I do not know what it is like to grow up without seeing anyone that looks like you, that mirrors you. I do not know what it is like to grow up and not know your family talents and having a harder time to know your own talents. I know you did not choose this life, it was chosen for you by adults. I can not change it but I hope I can help you and we can travel this road together. I will never leave you again, I can promise that. If you want me out of your life I will step aside but I will always be here for you if you need me.
Alyssa, you are beautiful and I do not care if you are 110 pounds or 320 pounds. You are freaking beautiful. I know you do not see it in yourself but there are a lot of us who see it. I don't think you can fully let anyone love you until you believe in yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself. It took me until I was 30 to start to truly believe in myself, and some days I still struggle.
I look at you and see your incredibly long dark lashes, the same lashes your littlest brother has and the same lashes your Grandpa Denny has. Your lips are your Aunt Laurel's, she has the same thin upper lip and slightly fuller bottom lip. Those beautiful deep dimples are also from Aunt Laurel and Grandma Rosie. That dimple in your chin I am not quite sure where you get that from but your younger brother has it also so it must run in our family somewhere. Your toe thumbs - I'm sorry about those- they definitely came from me. Your beautiful curvy shape came from Grandma Rosie. Those hips that we call baby making hips work very well to give birth to extra large children. Your long legs are from me and Grandma Rosie. Your beautiful almond shaped blue eyes you get from me.
I hope you get to meet your Grandma Von since she only lives 2 hours away from you. She still has the thinner legs like you and she is 90 years old. If you do meet your Grandma Von you will find an exceptional woman. She is stubborn and strong willed. She has always been a fighter but she has a grace about her too. I think you will find a lot of her qualities in you. Grandma has lost all of her siblings, one child, and one grandchild, she has out lived most of her friends. She still has a lot of life to live though. She still lives on her own and has friends she sees weekly (even though those friends are her about 20 years younger than her). As a young wife and mother in the 1940 and 1950 she worked outside of the home and she helped take care of grandpas farm. That was not an easy life by the time she was 28 she had 4 living children and had buried one child. I know there were many time when she just had the 2 very young babies that she had no money for food. She was born during the depression and she still reuses everything and hates to throw away even a box.
Can I give you a little advice? When you are totally stressed go outside for a walk or hike. I do not know what it is but being outdoors and pushing my body seems to hep my mind. Sometimes I need a one mile walk and other days I need a 5 mile hike in the mountains. Take Ian with you, it will help to deepen your love and friendship for each other.
You are incredibly caring, kind, sensitive. I have seen you put every one's needs ahead of your own. It is okay to do things for yourself, you are worth it. I have seen people that were supposed to love you do nothing but tear you apart. I have only been in your life for a year without restrictions. If what I see is just a glimpse of the way you have been treated than your life has been very hard. It is not okay to allow people to walk all over you. You deserve more, you are an Anderson. We are woman of strength and courage. Our ancestors walked the plains to Utah in the Willie handcart company. Your great-great-great-great grandparents, James O. Pederson and Anne, came across with 6 children including a nursing infant. As others lost members of their family we did not. You have this same strength and courage in you that they had. You might not have discovered it yet but it is in you.
I have seen in you the work-a-holic
I have heard you sing and you do have a great talent. Keep using that and grow that talent.
I am so proud of you that you are working so hard to accomplish your dreams and make something more out of yourself. You are relying on no one but yourself. You do make me so proud, I love to call you my daughter. Owen will be very proud one day to call you his mom. You are so responsible with money, your job, being independent, living on your own. You would make any parent proud of you. You can do anything you want to do. Don't allow others to bring you down. You are so much better than them. Don't let them bring you down to their level. Don't let their words have control over your life and your actions. I hope one day you realize how beautiful you are on the inside and out.
I love you so much my li'l one, try to take in these words and bring them into your heart.
Love Always,
Mom
Oh my li'l one, I know you are going through a very hard time right now. I have read your blog and talked with you about your many struggles in life right now. I would tell you these words in person but you have such a hard time taking any sort of compliment or advice. I hope you will slowly take in what I am trying to tell you. I know there is probably some things that you haven't told me yet, words you are not ready to tell anyone else. I know it is so hard for you to fully trust other people. I absolutely understand why you don't trust people, so many have turned and twisted the things you do and say.
I can not know what it feels like to be adopted. I do not know what it is like to not grow up without your family history. I do not know what it is like to grow up without seeing anyone that looks like you, that mirrors you. I do not know what it is like to grow up and not know your family talents and having a harder time to know your own talents. I know you did not choose this life, it was chosen for you by adults. I can not change it but I hope I can help you and we can travel this road together. I will never leave you again, I can promise that. If you want me out of your life I will step aside but I will always be here for you if you need me.
Alyssa, you are beautiful and I do not care if you are 110 pounds or 320 pounds. You are freaking beautiful. I know you do not see it in yourself but there are a lot of us who see it. I don't think you can fully let anyone love you until you believe in yourself, love yourself, and accept yourself. It took me until I was 30 to start to truly believe in myself, and some days I still struggle.
I look at you and see your incredibly long dark lashes, the same lashes your littlest brother has and the same lashes your Grandpa Denny has. Your lips are your Aunt Laurel's, she has the same thin upper lip and slightly fuller bottom lip. Those beautiful deep dimples are also from Aunt Laurel and Grandma Rosie. That dimple in your chin I am not quite sure where you get that from but your younger brother has it also so it must run in our family somewhere. Your toe thumbs - I'm sorry about those- they definitely came from me. Your beautiful curvy shape came from Grandma Rosie. Those hips that we call baby making hips work very well to give birth to extra large children. Your long legs are from me and Grandma Rosie. Your beautiful almond shaped blue eyes you get from me.
I hope you get to meet your Grandma Von since she only lives 2 hours away from you. She still has the thinner legs like you and she is 90 years old. If you do meet your Grandma Von you will find an exceptional woman. She is stubborn and strong willed. She has always been a fighter but she has a grace about her too. I think you will find a lot of her qualities in you. Grandma has lost all of her siblings, one child, and one grandchild, she has out lived most of her friends. She still has a lot of life to live though. She still lives on her own and has friends she sees weekly (even though those friends are her about 20 years younger than her). As a young wife and mother in the 1940 and 1950 she worked outside of the home and she helped take care of grandpas farm. That was not an easy life by the time she was 28 she had 4 living children and had buried one child. I know there were many time when she just had the 2 very young babies that she had no money for food. She was born during the depression and she still reuses everything and hates to throw away even a box.
Can I give you a little advice? When you are totally stressed go outside for a walk or hike. I do not know what it is but being outdoors and pushing my body seems to hep my mind. Sometimes I need a one mile walk and other days I need a 5 mile hike in the mountains. Take Ian with you, it will help to deepen your love and friendship for each other.
You are incredibly caring, kind, sensitive. I have seen you put every one's needs ahead of your own. It is okay to do things for yourself, you are worth it. I have seen people that were supposed to love you do nothing but tear you apart. I have only been in your life for a year without restrictions. If what I see is just a glimpse of the way you have been treated than your life has been very hard. It is not okay to allow people to walk all over you. You deserve more, you are an Anderson. We are woman of strength and courage. Our ancestors walked the plains to Utah in the Willie handcart company. Your great-great-great-great grandparents, James O. Pederson and Anne, came across with 6 children including a nursing infant. As others lost members of their family we did not. You have this same strength and courage in you that they had. You might not have discovered it yet but it is in you.
I have seen in you the work-a-holic
I have heard you sing and you do have a great talent. Keep using that and grow that talent.
I am so proud of you that you are working so hard to accomplish your dreams and make something more out of yourself. You are relying on no one but yourself. You do make me so proud, I love to call you my daughter. Owen will be very proud one day to call you his mom. You are so responsible with money, your job, being independent, living on your own. You would make any parent proud of you. You can do anything you want to do. Don't allow others to bring you down. You are so much better than them. Don't let them bring you down to their level. Don't let their words have control over your life and your actions. I hope one day you realize how beautiful you are on the inside and out.
I love you so much my li'l one, try to take in these words and bring them into your heart.
Love Always,
Mom
Monday, April 4, 2011
There is always a silver lining
My parents came into town on Saturday night and we had a family get together on Sunday. There was about 25 of us all together but some of my family was missing. I had one brother and sister (and her 2 boys) missing, my sister lives in Oregon and couldn't make it, my brother is not into family functions. The only other ones missing was Owen and Alyssa. We had an amazing time together. We tease and joke around a lot. There are teenagers and young adults running around. My kids and nieces and nephews are each others best friends. There really isn't a dull moment when we are all together. No subjects are off limits except politics and religion. We tease each other and enjoy one another.
About 5:00 or 6:00 Cassie was getting really moody. She was hormonal and just sad. After asking what was wrong she finally said that she just wanted her whole family together for once. She wanted her sister and Owen with us at the family get togethers. She didn't understand why the stupid laws didn't want her family together. I held her let her be sad but told her that even though it was okay to be sad and cry we also had to enjoy the family we had there at that moment. We couldn't waste the time we had together with part of the family just because the whole family wasn't together.
I don't know if she took my advice to heart or not. I do want all of my kids to be grateful for what they do have and enjoy the life and family they have. We will not always be able to see the family on a weekly basis. We need to be able to enjoy the moments we do have with them.
Below is a very short video we did for my parents and gave to them this weekend. Growing up when I was about 6 years old we did this song with my whole immediate family (all 9 of us) at a family reunion. Each family was supposed to pick their talent. We can not sing or dance but my parents had us do this anyways. I think I saw a tear come to my dads eye as he watched us now as adults and with a few of the grand kids do this song again for him and mom. I wonder was my dad crying because we are so off key?
About 5:00 or 6:00 Cassie was getting really moody. She was hormonal and just sad. After asking what was wrong she finally said that she just wanted her whole family together for once. She wanted her sister and Owen with us at the family get togethers. She didn't understand why the stupid laws didn't want her family together. I held her let her be sad but told her that even though it was okay to be sad and cry we also had to enjoy the family we had there at that moment. We couldn't waste the time we had together with part of the family just because the whole family wasn't together.
I don't know if she took my advice to heart or not. I do want all of my kids to be grateful for what they do have and enjoy the life and family they have. We will not always be able to see the family on a weekly basis. We need to be able to enjoy the moments we do have with them.
Below is a very short video we did for my parents and gave to them this weekend. Growing up when I was about 6 years old we did this song with my whole immediate family (all 9 of us) at a family reunion. Each family was supposed to pick their talent. We can not sing or dance but my parents had us do this anyways. I think I saw a tear come to my dads eye as he watched us now as adults and with a few of the grand kids do this song again for him and mom. I wonder was my dad crying because we are so off key?
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