After writing back and forth for a year Kara was almost 17, I think we annoyed the agency. So many letters and we started sending pictures too. Not just pictures but small 8x8 albums. Between Dec 2008 and January 2009 Alyssa sent a photo album and letter. A lot of times I just new when something was waiting at my house from Alyssa. I just had a feeling.
Well it was a Saturday and we were helping friends move. I just new something came in the mail that was really important. We ran home that afternoon, I made up some excuse, but really I just felt like something important was waiting. On our porch was a small box from the adoption agency. I was so excited!!! I brought it in the kitchen and couldn't rip it open fast enough. In it was a CD, letter, and the first photo album that Alyssa made me. It had a few pictures of her. And it had pictures of her adoptive parents and sister. But the most important thing inside the front cover was a post it note that read "to the birth mother of Kara M******* W*** from the adoptive mom Janet L W***. Oh my God the agency missed the post it note with all of the identifying information. I have my daughters adoptive name. I jumped in the shower because I needed to get cleaned up and clear my head. As soon as I got in the shower I just fell to the ground and cried. Almost 17 years without knowing my daughters adoptive name or her adoptive parents name. What am I going to do with this information? I was scared, I was thankful for finding her name, but I was still grieving my daughter's loss.
I had been told if I ever contact her before she is of legal age I would go to jail. I never even had a speeding ticket. I couldn't risk that, I couldn't go to jail. I had 3 other kids to take care of too. Would it hurt her if Alyssa knew I had this information and did nothing with it? I was at a total loss. I really wanted to just call her and to hear her voice. Would I hurt her emotionally if I contacted her. What if she really wanted nothing to do with me? What if she hated me and just wanted contact with her siblings? So many questions and no answers.
Right after this time I read more and asked questions on adoption groups. One book that helped me was "The girls who went away" and "The baby thief" The girls who went away was about true stories of birthmoms in the 60's and early 70's. The baby thief is how adoption really started in the US. Both are nonfiction and very informative.
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