Telling kids they have a sister

In 2001 I told my kids I raised they had a sister I placed for adoption.  In 2001 the kids were ages 3,5, and 7.   I wanted them to grow up really knowing they had a sister.  I didn't want them finding out from anyone else that they had a sister, I wanted to explain to them about Alyssa.  I didn't want them finding out when they were teenagers.  I didn't want them thinking that I could keep such a huge secret from them. 

So what I did was take the photo album I had of Alyssa and tell them that before they were born I had a daughter I gave to another family to raise.  I asked if they wanted to see pictures of their sister?  They were so excited.  Cassie my 3 year old wanted a sister so bad, she was beyond happy.  I told them we couldn't see Alyssa until she was 21.  I had been told by the agency that the law in California was no contact until the adoptee turns 21. 

There has been many ups and downs emotionally.  The kids I had raised have cried so many times because they couldn't understand why their sister was being kept away from them.  My 3 kids couldn't understand what was wrong with them that they weren't allowed to see her.  There have been too many tears to count.  Many nights I have had kids cry themselves to sleep while I just held them. 

There has been alot of anger towards me also.  Why did I take there sister away from them?  Didn't I love them enoiugh to keep their sister?  We all had wondered if Alyssa would even want contact with any of us.  No one at the agency even warned me what kind of reaction my future kids could have.  Why didn't anyone even talk to me about that?  No one even told me if I should tell them or keep it a secret.  I do think I did the right thing though by telling them when they were so young.

When I got letters from Alyssa I always showed the other kids but sometimes it took me a few days.  I just wanted to keep it to myself and cherish every word and not share for a bit. 

Recently Kenny my youngest son told me he almost hated me for placing his sister for adoption.  I just held him and let him cry.  I am glad he trusts me enough to tell me how he feels.  It hurt me that he felt that way but atleast he can get out his emotions.

We met Alyssa on her 18th birthday.  It was amazing to have all of my children finally together.  I think meeting in person and having full contact has helped all of us heal a little.  We live 800 miles from Alyssa so we can't see her as often as we want but I have seen her 5 times since February.  We have grown extremely close as a family.