Well, I will finish telling my story. I got contact with Alyssa mid November. We talked on face book and through texts nonstop. We had already built a relationship over letters for several years too.
The beginning of December Chantel, my 20 year old niece, let us know that she had been finally diagnosed with Primary Biliary Cirrhosis after almost 2 years of symptoms and doctors appointments. Basically an incurable but treatable liver disease. From what I understand the bile attacks the liver and she will be on medication for the rest of her life. Chantel is more like my sister than my niece. I just love her to death and would do anything to help her. I wasn't prepared for something that dramatic at all, but at least we finally had a diagnosis. It is so much easier to deal with the known than the unknown.
About a week and a half before Christmas I just felt like something wasn't quite right with Alyssa. I suspected for some reason that she might be pregnant. I have no idea why I felt like that. We had not met in person and we live over 800 miles apart. I should not be this connected with a child I have not seen in almost 18 years.
The Sunday before Christmas 2009 I get a text from Alyssa. I don't remember the exact words, but it went something like:
Alyssa: Something is wrong
Me: What is it
Alyssa: something really wrong
Me: You can tell me anything what is it?
Alyssa: I have taken 4 pregnancy tests since Thursday and they all came out positive
Me: Okay you're pregnant. I love you and we will make it through this together.
It didn't seem that complicated to me. You're pregnant and let's deal with the situation at hand.
So my big Christmas present this past year was knowing that I was going to be a grandma. I know I am very young to be a grandmother but I was a young mom too. Alot of my friends are still having kids and I am a grandma, not a grandma by marriage, but my daughter is having a baby. Holy crap! When I am with my kids everyone assumes I am their older sister so I thought, this is going to be interesting to have a grandchild.
I probably understand more than anyone else how hard it is to raise kids when you are barely of legal age yourself. But raising your child is so much less heartbreaking than placing for adoption and signing away all of your rights. I have never met anyone that regrets they didn't place their child for adoption. But there are a lot of that regret placing their children. I didn't want my daughter to feel this way with a decision that could not be changed.
I knew how hard Alyssa would have it with being single, still in high school, and living in such a conservative state as Utah is. I was pretty sure she would constantly hear "the right thing for yourself and this child is to place it". I found out later that the county she had the baby in has one of the highest rates of adoption rates in the country. After hearing that I wanted to get her out of that area. I thought Alyssa would be highly pressured to place here child.
I knew that there would be people that would turn their back on her and would talk behind her back. I was pretty sure she would get the "look". You know they look at your belly and then your ring finger and look away. They won't even look you in the eye. I remember getting that look. Or a stranger will ask you if you are married and want to know the whole situation.
I knew Alyssa would need as much love and support as she could get. I knew how much your self esteem can drop while you are pregnant too. It's not fun gaining weight and get your body totally stretched out, especially when you aren't married. I was so worried about her. I knew she would be changing and growing up alot in the next 8 months. I just wanted to be there to love her and support her in every way possible. I really think there was a reason why we reunited when we did. Alyssa needed both of her moms at this time in her life. She needed both of us to give her unconditional love and support.
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