Alex

Now that you have a little back ground on my upbringing I want to talk about my kids and raising them.  I have found that I have put pressure on my self and by others to prove my motherhood.  To prove that I am good enough to raise my other children.  And being in California and the Bay Area there are an overwhelming amount of older moms.  The moms that put there careers and college first.  I have often times felt like I needed to be twice the parent to prove I am equal to them and not just a perpetual teenage mom.

 I was not able to give my children the material things as these woman have but I could give my children myself and be the best mother that each of them need.  The schools that we chose to put my kids in have been high achieving in very well off neighborhoods.  There are a lot of stay at home moms or moms that work at home that have at least 1 nanny especially when the kids are young.  When my kids started at their new school they were in 5th grade, 4th grade, and 2nd grade.  After they were at this school for a few months I was picking them up after school one day and let them play for a few minutes.  There was another mom letting her children do the same thing.  I was asked by this older "awesome" mom if I was the nanny.    I was responded no I am the mom.  She then looked at me and asked if all 3 of my kids had the same dad.  OK I had a very bitchy moment.  I just looked at her and said I'm not sure the DNA test isn't back yet.  I hurried and got my kids gathered up and left the school.  I couldn't believe the balls that woman had.  I am often mistaken for my children's sister but dang that comment was  just rude.

Onto my oldest child I raised who is 16 almost 17 right now.  I have always been told how hard teenagers are and they are so difficult to raise.  I was actually terrified of this stage.  But I am raising 3 teenagers and I love it.  I love to see them form their own opinions separate from mine.  I love their independence.  I love that they try so hard to break free from me and the rules but then five minutes later come back for a mom hug.  I see teenagers as just another stage now, not a stage to be feared.  I have also learned from my parents mistakes, but don't we all.  I am no wher close to perfect but I try to be the mom that they need.

I have realized our children do not turn into monsters when they hit a certain age.  They are the same people we brought home from the hospital. The same people that we have raised for years. They have shown us glimpses through out their childhood of what they want to do and how independent they want to be.  As a parent I need to be in tuned to them so they can guide me to be the best mom for each child individually.  All of my kids are very different personality wise.  As they become teenagers we need to allow them to become independent but still be there when they need us.  That means allowing them to fall down or make mistakes but be the helping hand to lift them up again.  I need to be able to drop everything in a heartbeat if they need me and most often they just need someone to listen to them right NOW. 

After watching my older now adult nieces I see that I will be doing this for many years.   I have seen my nieces even though they are 23 and 21 they still need their moms to listen to them without judgement.  They still need to be able to return home and find that peace of mind and strength from their mothers. It isn't uncommon for my oldest niece to text me in the middle of the night because she just needs to vent and feel loved without judgement.  That is why I keep my cell phone beside my bed.  Well also because Alyssa also calls me at all hours when she is having a hard time and I want to make sure I am their for her too.

Alex  is very calm and mellow.  He likes to watch and observe before he interacts.  He does everything very cautiously.  It takes him a while to warm up to people.   I have to listen to him for a long time to get his opinion.  Even what he wants for dinner or what he wants to do for the weekend will be a half hour discussion.  He usually says I don't care or whatever. I have to give him options of what we can do.   He is starting in just the last 6 months to just ask for things like can he meet his girlfriend at the mall.  He is always worried about how his decisions will affect others.  My hardest part with raising him is helping him figure out what he wants and then find a way to get it. I have to let him know that his needs are important too.  I still have to teach him that his desires and wants are okay.  I could very easily step over boundaries with him because he is so easy going.  It would be too easy to say hey we want to do this and he would go along with it not because he wants to but just because he doesn't want to cause problems.  I try to make sure that the things we do as a family he will enjoy and he wants to do.

 Alex has dyslexia and and mild auditory processing problems.  He was diagnosed at the end of first grade and has had help overcoming these things from 1st grade through the first semester of 10th grade.  He has now been released and has no special classes.  With his auditory processing issues it takes longer for him to process information.  He needs extra time on tests and reading books.  One psychologist told us after he did hours of studies with Alex was that Alex will never be on Jeopardy because he is not fast enough with his responses but he has the ability to be the next Einstein.  Alex correctly answered questions on the given tests that only 2 other older teenagers answered in 12 years that this man had been in practice.  Alex was in 8th grade at the time.

 When I have gone in to IEP meetings with his teachers I always hear what a great easy going kid Alex is.  How they would like more students like Alex.  Alex works hard and does not fool around in classes.  Alex is not Mr. Popular, he is not very athletic (just like his mom).  He does great at track and field but he does not enjoy it.  We have him in Boy Scouts and have had him in Karate until recently.  Karate has helped with his self esteem.  He does not always love Boy Scouts but he is in a leader position so he said he will stay in for a few more months.  I know Alex's friends I talk to a lot of them at least once a week if not more.  They often come to me for advice or just for some one to listen to them.  Someone to acknowledge that they are important.

The more I interact with Alex and his friends the more that I see that teenagers need adults in their life.  Teenagers are not scary thugs that are all on drugs and running away.  Teenagers are in so many ways easy.  They just want to be acknowledged and loved for being themselves.  They want a safe place to express themselves.  They want there ideas to be heard without being put down.  How hard is that?

Alex has had the same girlfriend, it is actually his first girlfriend, for over a year now.  She is not your typical blond hair blue eyed cheerleader beauty.  She has deep brown eyes and long brown hair.  She is Mexican.  She is  a bit on the chubby side too.  She has a lot of self esteem problems.  She does not get great grades and she feels inferior because of that.  We have had many talks together I have tried to get her to see her talents.  She sings amazingly, she can dance, she can act.  She has a hard time with academics, but her brain is geared towards the arts.  We have talked about how important school is and she will need decent grades but maybe her ultimate goals need to have music involved in it.  She just needs more adults in her life that acknowledge that she is worth their time and energy.  On so many levels I really like her.  She is kind and considerate of others.  She wants to fit in and sometimes has a hard time with that.  I see her potential and it is very limitless, I just wish she could see herself through my eyes.

I have talked to both of them individually and together about waiting to have sex that they don't want to regret their first time but if you are going to have sex use 2 forms of birth control with one always being a condom.  I have told them it is not the baby to worry about, all though that is hard, but you don't want a disease.

Both Natasha's parents and Jer and I are very careful that the couple is never left alone.  They are not allowed to go to her house after school if no one is home.  They can not be at either house without parents.  Right now that is very easy to monitor because neither has a license.

We might hit a few hard spots in the future but we are a year and 2 months away from Alex being a legal adult.  His grades are amazing he had a 3.3 grade point average last semester with 7 classes and he is looking at taking honor classes next year in Science, Math, and World Geography.  Alex loves all kinds of Mythology and Anime. He hasn't decided what he is going to do when he grows up but he is on a good path.