About 6 weeks ago we went to a reunion at my husbands Elementary school. He went to a Catholic Elementary school from K to 8th grade. Every year they have a big carnival festival every year and they have a place for the alumni to reunite. So there I am a nice quiet Mormon girl at a Catholic school reunion. My husband was talking to old friends that he hasn't seen for years. Our kids are wandering around being bored and alternatively playing hide and go seek. He was talking to old friends, people he sees only every few years. They asked how many kids we have. He answered 3. I was seriously hurt to my core. I wasn't angry I was just devastated. After I asked him why he didn't say 4? Which of my 4 kids did he leave out? Because I have 4 kids. He said he wasn't sure how to answer that when he was asked. But he said if it meant so much to me, and it is true after all, then he will say we have 4 kids. One simple question and so many answers.
We are on a bit of uncharted territory, no one tells you any of this. No one really tells you about reunion and reuniting as a family. The most I was ever told was that we might never meet, that my daughter probably would have no desire to meet me. But I could get identifying information when my daughter turned 21 if the laws did not change and my daughter signed a consent form.
Usually at our house we don't sit down and discuss adoption or how many kids we have. A lot of things have changed over this last year. First of all the biggest is we are reunited and we are all crazy about this long lost daughter, sister, niece, cousin. Second thing was we lost another person to adoption. My daughter now knows the pain of being an adoptee which she always lived with but now a natural mother too. That in itself is a huge change.
When we were just writing letters Jeremy started writing my daughter. I never asked him to he just did it. Since we have reunited my husband has treated my daughter as if she were his. He is very gentle, a little quiet, but a great sense of compassion. He always knows right from wrong and does what is morally right. He never brings up adoption unless I do. He sometimes doesn't see me eye to eye on everything but when it comes to adoption he doesn't debate it. Adoption is way too personal for me. The thing that took away part of my heart and soul. The thing that has taken away my daughter and grandson that is the one thing I will not debate.
Wow, I find your story amazing! I am glad you are sharing it.
ReplyDeleteThanks Sunday, If i put my whole life story here it would make soap opera's look tame. I hope with writing it down, even the angry part of adoption, that we can make changes in this country. Even if thr changes come just one person at a time.
ReplyDeleteJeannette
Hi, Jeannette! Thanks for stopping by my blog. Your story has left me speechless. I can't even begin to imagine your loss.
ReplyDeleteJen,
ReplyDeleteIt's just a loss that will repeat itself until we as natural moms start speaking out. I'm not the first natural mom that not only lost a child but grandchild also to adoption.
The one thing I can do that gives me any power is to blog and speak out against what is wrong and try to fix it. I feel like I need to speak out to save my kids and grandkids generation from experiencing this loss.
For too long we have been told by society that natural moms and adoptees get over their loss. We know that is not true. e move on and continue with life but we do not get over the loss of losing a child.
Jeannette