I did not have time to write at all yesterday. I left my house by noon yesterday and didn't get back home until after 9:30. My sister, Shana, has a trade show coming up today. It is her first one she is doing and she is a bit nervous. She doesn't know how many people are coming. We spent the day helping with goody bags, setting up promotional clothing, ironing the clothes, typing up raffle prizes, just being plain old busy. I can't wait to hear later tonight how her trade show went. We did alot of extra stuff so the next trade show will be alot easier too.
My sister Shana has 4 kids from the ages 22 to 5 years old. She got pregnant with her first daughter when she was 16, obviously not married. She really did fight to parent her daughter. My mom wanted her to place Cheri, but She finished high school and got married to Cheri's dad. She did not go to college but worked her butt off waitressing and then getting into accounting. She had a son 2 years after she had her daughter. 3 years later she had another daughter and very soon after divorced her husband. She did not have the best marriage and had to overcome alot of obstacles. She had several years of being a single mom with no child support. She worked really hard, and was able to make it through, without getting any government support. When her youngest daughter was about 5 or 6 Shana remarried.
Shana still continued to work hard. The way she shows her kids love is to provide for them. She is an amazing mom and tries to be there for all of her kids. About 5 years after she married her second husband she had another child. She still only had a high school education but not long after she had child number 4 she started her own promotional apparel company. Shana has always been a hard worker, there has been times she has worked 12 to 16 hours a day for 7 days a week for months on end. If she worked that hard for other people than she can do amazing things for her own company. She is doing great as a business owner even in our economy as it is today. She works hard and makes her customers happy. She seems to be much happier working for herself.
Shana and I have talked about adoption and both of us are for family preservation. Shana went with me to Alyssa's high school graduation last May. Shana and I talked with Alyssa about trying to parent Owen. We talked to her about not placing Owen, that it isn't easy to be a single parent but Alyssa would have our families full support and help. Alyssa wasn't the easiest to talk to at the time. She would shut down, put up a wall, make jokes, and change the subject. Her defense mechanisms are just like Shana's and mine. At least we understood her very easily.
I'm sure Alyssa was getting confused to say the least. From her afamily she was getting "adoption, adoption, adoption", from the baby's dad she was getting either adoption or abort. From her friends even those that recently placed they were telling her adoption. And now here we come in who have barely recently known her as a person and we are telling her to parent. Not only to parent but that we will help her. We the family that abandoned her in the first place.
I think, atleast for me, you have very different feelings from the time you place to the time your child is an adult. You learn so much including the pain that stays with you, adoption is NOT the loving option, the child is not better off with strangers as you were told. You find alot more studies showing how adoption is worse in alot of cases for adoptees. But mostly you are not told how many generations adoption will affect. How many generations will feel the loss and sorrow of adoption.
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