Well this year I have finally came out and told most of Jer's family about Alyssa. Jeremy has a super close extended family. They have always accepted me for who I am. They are not judging in any ways. They are examples of how good christians should be.
Last Christmas we told Jeremy's cousin who is Cassie's god father. I have felt awful from keeping such a huge secret from his family. First of all I wasn't sure of their reaction. But mostly I was afraid of the questions. The why? How could you? Where is your daughter? Did you meet her parents? What is her adopted name? Have you heard from her recently? All the questions I couldn't answer for 17 years. Holiday get togethers are hard enough on me, I am always on the verge of breaking, what if someone asked me about her and I broke? what if I couldn't keep in the emotions.
Jer's first cousin that we told took it great. We didn't tell anyone else until this past August. We shocked Jer's older brother. I had a pic on my phone of Alyssa and Jer showed his brother. Jer said well this is Jeannette's oldest daughter she placed for adoption, oh and Jeannette's a grandma. No we are not teasing. Yes I am serious. His reaction was of total shock. He couldn't even talk.
Next we told Jer's other cousin Stacy. She was amazing. We talked to her for hours that day about it. She gave me total acceptance and love. She told her mom. The only thing Jer's aunt said was why didn't you tell me earlier. You are our family. Can I just say he has an amazing extended family.
Next we told another aunt of Jer's. Sandy was great. She said you didn't have to share with me but thank you for trusting me. Sandy's best friend was with her. I found out then that her best friend was adopted. Sandy understood the struggles with adoption from her best friend's point of view. Her best friend told me that she never looked for her nmom because she was afraid of the rejection. I was the first nmom that she knew of that had accepted her child back with open arms.
At a halloween party Jeremy told another cousin. Donny took it great. He was shocked but took it very well. Donny has a younger sister who is adopted. I wasn't sure how his family would take that I, a natural mom, was in my daughter's life. Would they feel threatened? No not at all, he was actually very happy for me.
We still have more of Jer's family to tell. I don't want to tell them over the phone, by email, or over facebook. I will wait till we see each person and I will tell them individually.
Jeremy's one aunt has known for almost 4 years. Easter when my daughter was 15 his aunt was telling me about her struggle with infertility. I started to tear up as she told me they were looking into adoption. I knew they would never promise a natural mom anything they would not follow through with. I also knew they could love a child not their own as if the child was. I had always hoped that my daughter had Aparent that were similar to my husband's aunt and uncle. When I told her about Alyssa, his aunt just had empathy for me. She talked to me and told me how hard it must be for me to watch her struggle with infertility while I had placed my daughter for adoption.
She has now tried for almost 20 years to get pregnant. She is one of the most truly honest and amazing women that I know. She has always put other people in front of herself, she is easy to talk to, she is strong but vulnerable. She can joke one minute but be serious the next. I have always felt close to her since the day we met. She is also Alex's godmother. Jer's aunt is only about 10 years older than him.
Several of Jer's family members have told me, "your daughter is part of our family, she is part of you, and we want to meet her" and several have asked if she was coming out for Christmas this year because they wanted to see her and get to know her. I could not have asked for a better family to marry into.
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